Happy Birthday Perfect Wifey!

Lots and lots of stuff going on, which I promise I will share with you later. 

Today is Perfect Wife's Birthday, so of course, I should be writing all about how fantastic she is, that I'm so glad she was born, how glad I am that she is mine, etc., etc. As I said though, time is limited, so just let me say she is fantastic, I'm so glad she was born, I'm  glad she's mine, etc,. etc.

Also, kudos to her parents, my Perfect In-Laws. Well done!

By the way, I don't know where this picture of her comes from. When asked, she mumbled something about, "shore leave" and, "her days at the Academy", and that this guy is "just some 'dude' she knew". Sorry to see her taste in men hasn't improved.

Happy of Happiest, my Love!

So Glad She Picked Me!

I know you're tired of hearing about it, but today, Perfect Wife and I celebrate 3 years of wedded bliss!

I could drone on and on about how wonderful she is, and how happy we are, but in deference to all those with weak stomachs, I won't.

We are wicked happy, though.

For all the thrilling details of our courtship and nuptials, read this.

Happy Anniversary, Wifey!

Caricature Capers Part 3: How People Really Do Not Want to Be Drawn

Drawing caricatures at a live event can be, as I have mentioned before, a terrifying experience. Many of your "subjects" should not be sitting for a caricature at at all: They have no sense of humor and are extremely insecure about any of the "flaws" or distinctions that make them a unique individual. Why they are getting a caricature drawn of themselves is a question we will never know the answer to. To avoid hurting the feelings of these folks, or worse inciting a nasty confrontation, I usually take the "safe" route, and draw a tame, polite, "funny" likeness of the subject. I am usually not thrilled with the results, but the subjects are, and I avoid any physical injury to my person.

Cartoonist Joe Bluhm, on the other hand, has no qualms at all about drawing folks the way they are, warts (and worse!) and all, with  great style and humor to boot. I have never met the man, but I admire him greatly and wish I had a fraction of his talent, and a smidge of his guts when it comes to live caricatures.  

Recently, I was flipping through Bluhm's excellent book, Rejects: The Extreme Art of Retail Caricature. The book is a collection of caricatures returned to the artist by disappointed/outraged clients at live events. The drawings are hilarious, and just go to show how ignorant the general public is about this sort of thing. 

Inspired by Bluhm's work, I dashed off a quick doodle of Perfect Wife in his style. (For you "methods and materials" nuts out there, I did it with a conte crayon on newsprint, and it took under 2 minutes to draw.) I think it came out really well. PW is a gorgeous woman, but she is unique, and the drawing captures that in a humorous way, in my humble opinion. Even PW liked it, or at least pretended to*.

Perhaps someday, I'll have the guts to draw like this at a live gig. For now, I'll leave it to braver souls than I. Like Joe Bluhm.

*UPDATE: It turns out, PW really didn't like this rendering of her.  At a recent family get together, I found out her family didn't like it either. That does it. I'm never going to family get togethers again!

This is For All the Lonely People

Hello Young Lovers wherever you are! This Sunday is Valentine's Day. This is one of those completely unnecessary Holidays that is here simply so that manufacturers of romantic merchandise can unload more of their inventory on gullible consumers. People in a relationship don't need a special day of the year to let their nearest and dearest know how they feel about them. We can say, "I love you", "I'm so glad you're mine" or "Get out of my house I never want to see you again", whenever we like.

True, it is nice to set aside a special day to surprise your sweetie with a loving token of your affection. What if you don't have a sweetie, though? For those folks out there without a special someone/something in their lives, Valentine's Day can be a bitter reminder of their lonely status. It doesn't have to be that way though!

Sure, there are a lot of wonderful things about being in a loving cohabitation: The smile on your loved one's face when you return home after a long day. Sharing all the joys, sorrows and bills with your best friend. Not to mention the occasional roll in the hay. These truly are the moments that make life worth living, and those single folk out there without a significant other can only watch in envy.

To all you singular folks out there, though, turn that frown upside down! You have plenty of things to celebrate! To name a few:

• You come home to complete silence. Sure, it's nice to come home to a loving embrace. Isn't is nice though, to come home to complete and utter nothingness? No noisy coworkers, no questions to answer, just the pure  bliss of you. Alone with your thoughts.

• What's for breakfast/lunch/dinner? When you live alone, the answer is: Anything you want! With no one else to have to plan meals with, you can eat how you please! Cold Kentucky Fried Chicken™ for breakfast? Ice cream sandwiches for lunch? Potato chips and Slim Jims™ for dinner? Go ahead! You have no one to critique how you build your food pyramid.

• Watch what you want, when you want. There's a Deputy Dawg marathon on TV, but it's opposite the Project Runway finale. If you're living with someone else, this might cause a problem. Not for you, you lucky, "lonely" person!

• Home Decor. If you live with another, they might not agree with you that lawn furniture is acceptable in the living room, or that your life-size Darth Vader bust is the perfect focal point for the Dining room. That is, if you even choose to have a Dining room. Perhaps you would rather have a "stuff" room, and fill/pile it with various items you are too busy/lazy to find the perfect spot for. If you live alone, no one but you cares, so you can! Try getting a partner to agree to this arrangement!

• The definition of "Clean" is yours, and yours alone. A normal person (like me), knows that every month or two is often enough for such tasks as "vacuuming", "cleaning the bathroom" and "emptying the garbage". When you live with someone else, however, you might be  surprised to discover that they consider such time-wasters weekly tasks! Strange, I know, but there really are people who feel that way.

• Complete. Utter. Privacy. Wanna walk around the house in your underwear, or less? Unless you have a really understanding partner, it ain't gonna happen. Ditto for weeping at cartoons from your childhood, going to the bathroom with the door open, playing Alan Sherman records for hours and a host of other things that polite society frowns upon.

There are plenty of other reasons for you singletons to celebrate your alone-ity, but you get the gist. Believe me, there are plenty of "happy couples" out there who are far  more envious of you  than you are of  them.

I'm not one of them though. I have the Perfect Wife, and if I didn't have her around, no amount of sitting in my underwear eating cold chicken and watching cartoons could substitute for how  happy she makes me. 

Besides, she doesn't mind if I have cold KFC for breakfast. The open bathroom door is another matter, though.

Happy Valentine's Day, all! 

Snow Worries!

I usually don't have any faith in TV weather forecasters. It seems to be  the only job where you can be wrong all the time, and still stay employed. Weather forecasters seem to  excel in an inability to accurately predict what the weather is going to do. This time, however, they hit the nail on the head. They said we here in the Irish Riviera were going to be walloped with one heck of a snow storm, and they were right.

Man, we were hit with one doozy  of a  snow storm! Thankfully, Perfect Wife and I have finished all of our Holiday shopping, so we could just hunker down and enjoy the storm. By "hunker down", I mean that I could complain about lower back pain and avoid snow-shoveling duty, while she went out and did the heavy lifting. Believe me, it is a pleasure to sit back  with a cup of hot cocoa and watch your significant other shovel snow.

That is a joke, of course. I helped shovel the snow. I spent almost five minutes out there.  As did Rocco the Wonder Dog. Although he hates most other versions of inclement weather, Rocco loves the snow. Why, we do not know, but we have stopped trying to understand how Rocco's mind works.

In writing the above, I realize this entry might come out as a bitch-a-thon about the weather. That couldn't be further from the truth. I love having a white Christmas! I also promise a more substantial entry next time.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

An Offer You Can't Refuse!

Have you ever looked at the cartoons on this blog and thought to yourself, "Gee, Bill sure draws purty pitchers. I wish I could get him to  do a caricature of me!"?  Well, if you are one of these misguided souls, and live in South Eastern Massachusetts, your wish can come true!

On Sunday, December 13th, 2009, from 12 to 4 P.M., I will be doing black and white caricatures at a local Christmas Fair for a nominal fee!

The event is the:

"HOLLY-DAYS (clever) FAIR"

at the OUR WORLD CHILDREN'S GLOBAL DISCOVERY MUSEUM

100 SOHIER STREET

COHASSET, MA

12 t0 4 P.M.

Admission is $5 per person with a $20 cap per family.

The event is a fundraiser for the museum, which is a fun local place for kids to hang out. In addition to myself, there will be loads of gift items for sale, food, photos with the guy in red and all kinds of diversions for the family. WARNING: There will be a Sing-a-Long.

If you are too shy to have a caricature done of you, I will do a cartoon of a loved one if you bring in a decent photo. What a delightful Holiday gift that would be! I promise to be kind.*

If you are in the area, I hope you will stop by and say hello. Mention you are a regular reader of this blog and receive a free horrified stare from Perfect Wifey.

*PROMISE WILL NOT BE HONORED.

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Happy Fright Night to one and all!

What are your Halloween plans? Have you been invited to a fabulous costume party by your dearest of friends, where you'll wear that fantastic  costume you've put together? Great!

Perfect Wife and I haven't.

A few years back, we hosted a fantastic All Hallows Eve bash. We went all out (well, PW did) with decorations and all kinds of ghoulish goodies. Friends/family and total strangers from as far away as Florida came, and a good time was had by all. At least we think so. Our memories are fuzzy on the details of what happened as the evening progressed. The majority of the attendees are still alive and kicking as of this writing, and no one got pregnant, so we presume all went well.

The party was such a Galapalooza, that we were too exhausted to host another the next year. We were still full of the  Holiday spirit, though, and hoped one of our friends would host a bash. No one did. We surmised that perhaps they didn't think their party would measure up to ours, so they didn't even try to compete. As the years pass however, we still have not been invited to a Halloween bash. What's up with that?! Are we the only people in our circle of chums who have the Halloween spirit? Before you say, "Perhaps your friends are having parties, they just don't want you there", let me assure you nothing could be further from the truth. PW and I are delightful party guests. We always bring something (PW's Taco Salad is always a hit), and, to my knowledge, my shenanigans are the hit of every party we've ever attended. We also recycle our empties.

You may also wonder why we just don't host our own Halloween party if we're so fired up for one? Well, we would, but our new place can't really accommodate the crowds we would expect. Also, since our last party, Rocco the Wonder Dog has joined the family, and he is not a "party" kind of guy.

So, this year, it looks like we will be sitting at home, watching some appropriate programming, with our ears cocked for the rare Trick or Treat-er. 

Unless you'd like to invite us to your house...

Please note: The above piece was all in jest. You don't have to invite us to  your party. For me, spending an evening snuggling with PW and watching scary movies is better than any party could ever be.

Unless you're having a REALLY good  party...

Terror in the Aisles!

It's Halloween time. The time of year you can participate in all kinds of spooky fun! You can decorate your house with all sorts of ghosts and ghouls, got to a haunted house or hayride. They even have haunted theme parks where you can go and be startled by teenagers in crappy rubber masks. In the spirit of the season, Perfect Wife and I had a truly frightening experience.

We went shopping at our local Wal-Mart™.

The existence of this big box store and its effects on small business is terrifying in and of itself. No trip to a haunted house, however, could ever compare with the thrills 'n' chills (well, chills anyway) of a visit to a Wal-Mart™! Let me make it clear that I abhor a lot of the company's business practices on principle, and would never go here if we didn't believe the chain's claims of "low, low prices". Sadly, we were looking to save a few bucks. Sorry Mom & Pop stores.

After we arrived and found a parking space (only a mile or two away, not bad), we warily entered the store. Although there was no signage indicating it, apparently the location we visited was hosting an event entitled: "Big, Fat, Ugly and Stupid People Day". I know it's not nice to judge people based on their physical appearance, and beauty in in the eye of the beholder and all that. The fact remains that there were a lot of big, fat, ugly and/or stupid people there on our visit! There were plenty of celebrants there.

 There was also a large (if you'll pardon the expression) group playing the popular shopping game, "Wander-About-as-Slowly-and-Indecisively-as-You-Possibly-Can-While-Others-Are-Trying-to-Get-Past-You". There were several fierce competitors,  so many that even PW and I were swept up in the game.

The employees at Wal-Mart™ added to the horrifying atmosphere. They seem to take a curious pride in being unfamiliar with any general knowledge of anything having to do with their place of employment. No one we spoke to could tell us the location or availability of any of the items we were searching for. After many trips 'round the store, we finally did locate most of the things we were searching for. I now believe I have more knowledge of Wal-Mart™ than Sam Walton himself ever did. If you must know, the bathrooms are in the back of the store, to the left.

The are employees are pretty surly too. We can forgive that. After all, they are working at Wal-Mart™.

The most terrifying thing about our trip? The prices really weren't that "low, low"! A buck-fifty for a bottle of Diet Coke™ ain't a bargain where I come from.

So this Halloween, if you're looking for a convenient source of Holiday frights, check out your local Wal-mart™. Tell 'em Bill sent you!

They will have no idea what you are talking about, but they are used to that.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, this cartoon did take me all of five seconds to draw. As I am still recovering from our trip, I am too creeped out to do a nice picture. Sorry.

Full Disclosure

I know. Regular readers of this blog are tired of me going on and on about my "Perfect Wife". While it's true that anyone would be hard-pressed to find a more fantastic mate, I have recently discovered a "chink" in the armor of her overall fabulousness.

No, I am not talking about the fact that she recently purchased a bag of "unsalted" potato chips. This is a matter far more serious.

My wife has never heard of "Beany and Cecil"!

It's true. When I read recently that this classic cartoon was having a volume two re-released on DVD, I ran in to tell my Wife the happy news. 

"What's Beany and Cecil"?, was her reply.

I know. I was taken aback too. How could anyone of our generation be unaware of the funniest TV cartoon of the sixties? The news of this ignorance of one of the most important popular culture influences of my life shook me to the core. If this fantastic woman, who was seemingly everything I ever wanted in a mate, was so ignorant of one of my favorite cartoons, what else was this unsalted-potato-chip-munching vixen keeping from me?

It turns out, in her household, Perfect Wifey's family actually spent time outdoors and doing other things that did not involve being glued to the TV 24/7. When I look at things from her perspective, I suppose I understand. She is still beautiful, funny, smart, caring and a host of other fantastic things, so I still consider myself the luckiest of lucky.

Still, she never even heard of Beany and Cecil?

Happiest of Happys!

There is a danger of this blog becoming the Bill-Rambles-On-About-His-Perfect-Wife Blog. I know I do it a lot, and I hope that those of you out there who are living a bitter, loveless existence will not think I am rubbing your nose in my good fortune. No, as I have mentioned before, I cite my relationship with PW to give hope to all that there is someone out there for everyone.

Also, today I have a really good excuse for dragging PW into the spotlight: It's her Birthday! In honor of this most special of days, instead of one of my usual scribbles, I am illustrating today's post with an actual photo of my amore (she's on the left). This picture was taken on a trip  we took to Disneyland. I chose this image because I wasn't sure PW would want her face plastered across the interweb, and this image seemed innocuous enough, while still showing off her general babealiciousness.

This photo also reveals my skill as a photographer, as well as my right index finger, which appears in many of  the pictures I take.

So Happy Birthday Perfect Wife! Thanks also to your Folks, The Perfect In-Laws, for making you possible!

And They Said It Wouldn't Last...

If you thought my Birthday a few days ago was cause to celebrate, this weekend, Perfect Wife and I celebrate our Second Wedding Anniversary!

When I refer to her as "Perfect Wife", I am not exaggerating. In previous posts on this blog, I have often put forth the question of why such a beautiful, smart, kind, caring, funny, etc. woman would see a goofball like me as ideal husband material. Whatever her reasons, it's too late for her now. Barring intervention from the courts, she is stuck with me.

Since it is our anniversary, allow me to tell you the tale of how I went from a happy bachelor, to an even happier married man.

When I was growing up, there was a family down the street from us that had a bunch of cute daughters. The future PW was the middle daughter in this family, and in my unbiased opinion, the cutest. My two  sisters used to babysit for the family, and although I had no personal contact with any of the girls, I at least assumed they knew who I was, since our neighborhood wasn't that big. I certainly would have liked to have talked  to them, but they didn't seem too friendly. I later found out they were all painfully shy, but at the time I thought they were stuck  up. Actually, I sometimes suspect that the whole "we were shy" story was a dodge, and they really were a bit stuck up.

 

I grew up  and moved out of the neighborhood, and kinda forgot about that family. Every once and awhile though, when I was with former neighbors, this family's name would come up, and we would wonder what happened to them.

Fast forward 20 years or so. I was appearing in a local community theatre production of "Seussical the Musical". I was playing the Cat in the Hat. (If you are wondering how I kept my dignity while prancing about the stage in a cat suit and a giant red & white striped hat, the answer is, I couldn't. Maybe someday I'll get liquored up and post a picture of myself in costume, just for laughs.) Before the first rehearsal, I was perusing the cast list, when I noticed the name of  the cute girl from my old neighborhood! Could this be the same person? I went to the first rehearsal, and it turned out, yes, it was the same girl from the old neighborhood! After rehearsal was over, I went up to say hello to her. I felt she'd be thrilled to see someone from the old neighborhood.

She wasn't.

When I introduced myself, she looked at me blankly. I reminded her that my sisters used to babysit for her family. She told me she remembered my sisters well,  she was just surprised to learn that they had a brother. I was aware I was not the most popular kid in my neighborhood, but I didn't realize until that moment that I was also a nonentity. To her credit, I think PW wife felt bad she didn't remember me. I think.

As the weeks of rehearsal passed, we spent more time talking to each other and then we segued into emailing each other once and awhile. Then, we started emailing each other a lot. I developed a huge crush on PW, but I wasn't sure if she had any interest in me. Her behavior towards me seemed to indicate that she did at times, and then other times it seemed like she was once again unaware I existed. It was like reliving high school relationships all over again.

Eventually, we made our feelings known to each other, and found out that we both  felt  the same way. In deference to those of you with weak stomachs, I will spare you the mushy details of our courtship. We ended up getting married, and the rest is history. We are truly best friends, and I cannot imagine life without her. She claims to feel the same way.

 If I have any regrets about our relationship, it's only that I wish we had gotten together 20  years ago. Apparently though, the woman has to be aware the man exists for that to happen. I am sure people are jealous of our marriage, and they should be. 

So take heart, dear, lonely, reader! If I could manage to meet the person/plant/thing of my dreams, you can too! Just get yourself out there and start looking! You'll find them.

I just hope you don't have to dress up as The Cat in the Hat to  do it.

News Update!

As has become something of a tradition at this site, I am starting today's post with apologies to all of you Faithful Readers out there for the lack of entries here lately.

I have often made this apology to all of you out there before. No doubt you wonder, "What major events are going on that prevent this goofball from just doing a few scribbles and writing a few random blatherings each day?" An excellent question! Here are a few a the diversions that have kept me away from you for so long, as well as a few other points of interest:

• Perfect Wife and I began our now-annual tradition of working part time at a local outdoor concert venue. The money is laughable, but we get to enjoy the Summer nights and get to experience the shows for free. At least that's the theory. The reality is somewhat different.

Last year, we did parking detail, as well as general maintenance and security. This year, we decided to "upgrade" to the lofty position of USHER. Our job is to stand at attention, and guide patrons to their assigned seats. Sounds simple, right? Well, maybe for our high school co-workers, but PW and I are completely confused by the venue's  convoluted seat numbering. Several times, we led patrons on a happy traipse through the aisles searching for their seats, all the while quoting the immortal excuse of the truly incompetent, "Sorry, I'm new here". I'm sure that we'll figure it out by the end of the season. Well, at least PW will, and can cover for me.

The other down side to the gig is that standing for hours on hard concrete is really hard on the ol' back, even when I'm wearing my all- black Chuck-T's. It sounds like I'm whining (and I am, I suppose), but my back is KILLING me! We're talking "Now-I-know-why-old people-complain-so-much", pain. Is this Karma paying me back  for all the years I lied to my Mother about back trouble to avoid snow-shovel duty? I plan to invest in a pair of Dr. Scholl® inserts, and hopefully that will mitigate the problem. A bonus will be that I can proudly announce to one and all that I am indeed "gellin.'"

• On the Freelance Cartoonist front, I did not get a big book illustration job I was being considered for. I did  a bunch of samples gratis, and the editors said they really liked them, but they wanted someone with a "name". I always tell aspiring cartoonists to NEVER do any work on "spec", and yet I failed to follow my own advice some twenty plus years into my "career". So I repeat this advice to all aspiring cartoonists out there: NEVER DO WORK FOR FREE!!!

• On a tragic note, the birdhouse that sits on a pole in our yard suffered a late-night home invasion by a pack of raccoons. They trashed the joint, busting up the house and knocking it off it's base. We fear the bird family residing there suffered an unpleasant fate, but perhaps they escaped. Pretty to think so.

Happily PW's Perfect Dad is a whiz with tools, and was able to perform an "EXTREME MAKEOVER: BIRDHOUSE EDITION", restoring the house to its former glory. A new bird couple has already moved in, and we will keep an eye out for the raccoons. 

• In addition to raccoons, coyotes have been making appearances in our yard. Unlike their Warner Bros. cartoon counterpart, these critters do not delight us as they run about building elaborate traps they purchased from the ACME® company. Mostly, they lurk about looking creepy, and cause Rocco the Wonder Dog much distress.

• Speaking of Rocco, after a long, exhaustive research period, we have finally compiled a list of the foods Rocco will not eat. To no one's surprise, the list is rather short. In fact, it is non-existent. Rocco will eat anything, including vegetables, peanuts, Tootsie Rolls®, sugary breakfast cereals, and many other things both edible and inedible that he should not have, and that you would presume he'd steer away from. I know you are thinking, "You shouldn't be feeding him that stuff!", and you're right. We try not to. Rocco, however, has really nailed his "I-am-starving-to-death-and-these-hogs-are-stuffing-their-faces" look, all the while making eye contact at you with his sad brown eyes. It is difficult to resist.

• Finally, for those of you out there that are parents and are worried your kids may stumble across this page and find some objectionable material, not to worry! This blog has been rated "PG" by a  goofy website that rates blogs for content for some reason. I could have earned a wholesome "G" rating, but one of my posts had the word "crap" in it. Oh, no! I said "crap" again! There! I said "crap" again! Now I probably have a "XXX" rating!

 Oh crap.

A Sad Day (For Me!)

Twenty and counting. I have twenty cigarettes left, and when they are gone, I am giving up smoking.

This was not a decision that I reached in haste. I enjoy smoking. However, given the high taxes that have been slapped on cigarettes in my little corner of paradise, as well as all the "no-smoking-anywhere-anyone-might-enjoy-a-cigarette" laws nowadays, as well as the social stigma attached to smokers, I have no choice.

Besides, Perfect Wife asked me to.

For those of you who have never smoked, you don't know what you are missing. Sure, you may find smoking "disgusting", and can't stand to be around people who are smoking, but I find seeing people eat creamed corn disgusting, and can't stand to being around people who are doing that. I realize though, that for some reason, some people enjoy eating cream corn, so I am tolerant.

Now there are those of you who say, "Yeah, but cream corn doesn't hurt anybody! What about second-hand smoke?!" Frankly, just the sight of cream corn hurts me very deeply, and if you don't like cigarette smoke, stay away from smokers. It's very easy to do nowadays. 

So farewell cigarettes. I'll miss you. Of course, there are some things I won't miss too, so here's a list for all of you:

THINGS I'LL MISS ABOUT SMOKING:

• That first puff in the morning.

• That last puff at night.

• All the puffs in between.

• The sweet, sweet combination of a cigarette and a cocktail at your local watering hole. For you non-smokers who never had this experience, I pity you.

• How cool Hollywood actors looked smoking. Can you imagine any of the hard-bitten detectives in old movies without a smoke dangling from their lips?

THINGS I WON'T MISS ABOUT SMOKING:

• The cost. Even before the government started taxing smokers up the whazoo, cigarettes were an expensive habit. Now, it's crazy!

• Rabid anti-smokers, who treat smokers like lepers, and react to a lit cigarette like you just dropped you pants and went potty in front of them. Hey, maybe you don't like the smell of burning tobacco, but I don't like the smell of the three gallons of perfume you doused yourself in. The difference? None to me. Maybe someday, stanky perfume will fall out of favor in our society.

• In a similar vein, I won't miss the people who helpfully inform you how bad smoking is for your health. I was already aware aware of this before I started smoking, but it's always nice to be reminded. Especially by folks who are 40 or 50 pounds overweight. 

As you can tell, I have not reached the decision to stop smoking happily, but I've made up my mind. Will I succeed? I hope so. One thing is certain: I won't be too pleasant to be around!

For those of you who'd like to make a comment on this post, please note that I will delete any comments of a self-righteous or congratulatory bent. 

I'm now down to nineteen...

Look at Books: Walter & Woody Teach Me How to Draw

Thanks to the overwhelming (5 Comments!) response to my last blog on how-to-cartoon book recommendations, I thought I'd give another shout-out to a book that was invaluable to me as a young, budding cartoonist.

Be warned: This book is long out of print, and to find  it you will have to do some serious searching on the internet to find a seller willing to part with a copy, but if you have a young, budding cartoonist in your life, or just need to reexamine the basics for yourself, this book is well worth the hunt.

The book is, "Walter Lantz, Easy Way to Draw, Featuring Woody Woodpecker and Friends". It was published by Whitman Publishing sometime in the early 60's, no doubt to cash in on the popular Woody Woodpecker show that aired at the time. I had this book as a lad, and in addition to Preston Blair's Animation book (which you are probably tired of hearing me mention), this book really gave me all the the fundamentals on cartooning and drawing that a little geek cartoonist-wannabe like me needed.

I had this book as a child, but over the years, I somehow lost it (I suspect Ronnie Forfia borrowed it before he moved, and never returned it. Ronnie: If you're reading this, I want my book back!). As the years passed, I looked for this book in vain. Not only could I not find it, but I seemed to be the only person who had ever seen it. Fortunately, awhile back, after listening to my rants, Perfect Wife found me a copy online. It was relatively cheap too! It was everything I remembered.

Although Walter Lantz is listed as the author of this book, it is really the work of 2 cartoonists from the Whitman ranks, Frank McSavage and Norm McGary. These guys were two workhorses for the Whitman line of publications, and their work pops up in a lot of Whitman products of the era. Although they are  not  well-known in the annals of cartooning, they knew their stuff, and every page of this book shows off their expertise.

This book covers it all, from the tools you need, from basic construction, expressions, backrounds (a fabulous chapter for me, as I hated drawing settings, and Preston never mentioned them in his book), to lettering and more! They even touch briefly on drawing "realistic" figures (I still use their easy breakdown for drawing a horse, one of the most difficult critters to draw).

Granted, this is not a perfect book for the modern young cartoonist. Most of the characters will be completely unknown to them (although you can remedy that by buying one of the excellent Woody Woodpecker DVD collections, and screening it for them the next time they want to watch whatever dreck they want to watch on Cartoon Network®), and the "folksy" tone of the writing might be off-putting to your young "playuh", but if you can find it, buy it.

If you doubt this book is worthwhile, I drew the Woody in the cartoon above from memory, after all these years, so there!

Where Does the Time Go?!

At the beginning of this year, I promised you, my faithful and not-so-faithful readers, that I was going to make a concerted effort to post more frequently. As you may have noticed, I have failed miserably. I do have an excuse though: Time flies!

We have been really busy here at Casa del Blanco lately. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get all the things done we want to do. I know you, dear reader, are probably busy too, so this excuse of mine may seem lame, and even whiney, but it is the only excuse I have, so please bear with me.

Alas, most of the things that have kept me busy would not be very interesting for you to read about. Sure, my recent haircut came out nice, but I'm afraid the  details of the whole procedure would not keep you riveted. So here are some of the more interesting things that have happened hereabouts:

• I've picked up a few gigs doing character development on some top-secret projects, unfortunately, I can't tell you anything about them. Yet.

• I gave a guest lecture on caricaturing at a local cartoon class taught by my friend and mentor Mat Brown, and had a wonderful time. The class was full of bright, talented, amateur cartoonists, which is a refreshing change from the usual slug-a-beds you encounter in the student population of most local cartoon classes. The highlight of the evening was when Perfect Wife posed for the students for a caricature. It was a brave move on her part, and I believe she left with her self-esteem intact. It was pretty funny- if you  weren't her.

• Perfect Wife and I celebrated 20 months of marital bliss yesterday! We went to a fancy restaurant (Fancy for us, they had silverware and everything! Also, no item on the menu had "Mc" on an entree name.). I had the best piece of prime rib I ever had, served with something called a Mashed Potato Garlic Cake, that was yummy too. Unfortunately, PW's salmon was overcooked. When we complained to our waitress, we were comped dessert and drinks. That would have been nice if we were paying for it, but we were using a gift certificate.

Sadly, when we returned home, I realized how long it had been since I had eaten beef (we've been eating chickens and piggies mostly, lately), and I experienced a few hours of gastric distress. It wasn't pretty.

It was still a wonderful evening.

• The biggest time-sucker for PW and I, is that we are performing in another local musical. If you have ever performed in a play, you know how much work is involved. I got lucky this time, as I only have a small role that involves no heavy lifting. PW, however, has a fairly large role, so it keeps her pretty busy. She is, of course, wonderful in the role, and I get goosebumps watching her from the wings. Lest you think I am biased about her performance, she even got a nice nod in the local paper's review.

One unfortunate side effect of our participation in the show is that we are out of the house a lot at night. This has caused Rocco the Wonder Dog to begin to have some " separation anxieties".

These anxieties usually manifest themselves by Rocco befouling the kitchen floor while we are out. Cleaning up dog droppings at 10 at night is not exactly the perfect ending to the day.

The show runs 2 more weeks, then hopefully life will get back to normal.

Or as normal as life gets around here.

I'm Back!

Hello Dear Readers! I know it has been awhile since I have posted anything here, but I have been super-busy!

Okay, that's a lie. 

The truth is, is just haven't been able to come up with anything that is worthy of the high quality that I know you, the reader, demand of this parade of laughs. I do have a few ideas roaming around in my brain, however, so I thought it would be fun (or at least, easier for me) if YOU, my devoted followers, decided what you wanted to see.

Here's a few ideas:

• A detailed recounting of the worst production of the musical, ANNIE, I ever saw.

• In the same vein, tales of horror from community theatre. These stories are not for the faint of heart!

• Another tasty dish from the Bill White Cookbook.

• Information on what I would do if I was King of the World.

• Why everybody but me is an @$$hole while driving.

• I finally settle the argument, RAZZLES: Candy or Gum?

• More hideous examples of my student art and the pathetic stories behind them.

• More stories about Rocco the Wonder Dog or Perfect Wife (Actually, don't bother voting for this, I will most likely do it anyway).

I could go on, but this is the short list. Please take a moment and vote for one in the comments section. Also, if you have something you'd like to hear me vent about, please let me know. 

Thanks!

Toy Boy

We all have (hopefully) a passion in our lives. Whether it be wine, women, song, or just getting out to the shed to use power tools, we all have something that dulls the pain of our day to day existence.

I have many passions, most of which are not suited for posting on this blog. My biggest passion (next to Perfect Wife), however, is toys. 

Yes, I am a grown man, and probably should be out in the shed using power tools, but I just love toys! Action figures to be exact (although some of you may know how much I love the Muppet I got for Christmas. If not, go to link for the Clique Clack site on the right, for all the details).

Perhaps I never grew up (actually, that's pretty much a given), but when I was a lad, there just weren't many toys based on your favorite characters from movies and TV shows, and you wanted them badly. So, I'm making up for it now. 

Sure, at one point in the 70's there were the crummy MEGO figures from various TV shows and movies, and later the STAR WARS toys, which were okay, but didn't have the love and attention to detail that a young geek like me required. Also, where were the figures I wanted? Where was my Green Lantern doll? My Doctor Fate? Or any of my beloved characters from comic books and TV?!

Happily, nowadays, things have changed. Apparently, due to the demands of people like myself, you can get pretty much any toy of a beloved character from your youth you want. The quality and attention to detail is top-notch, too. You should see the Doctor Who figures Perfect Wife gave me for Valentine's! I even have an H.R. Pufinstuf figure, which I would have payed a year's allowance for, back in the day.

Yes, I love toys, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If you have something you love, go ahead and embrace it.

As long as it is legal in your jurisdiction.

I Wanna Be a Producer!

I had had a wonderful experience last weekend. Perfect Wife and I, and her Perfect Parents, went to see a community theatre production of Mel Brook's musical, "The Producers". It was fabulous.

I was a bit leery of going, as PW and I had seen the original production on Broadway, which was wonderful. At the time, I predicted that the show could NEVER be done in community theatre, as there was just too much talent required.

I have done quite a bit of community theatre work. It's quite fun. You meet new people, make friends, and get a little escape  from reality as you perform. You can also get a little ego boost from any laughter and/or applause you generate. There are downsides to doing a community theatre show, for the audience and the performers, though, and I have seen it  all: Fat people (or any other kind of people, myself included) who can't dance front-and-center during production numbers, directors casting their spouses or significant others in roles they are clearly not suited for, 10 minute set changes (during which you check your program and count the musical numbers left, in an effort to figure out how soon you can escape the theatre), backstage histrionics, backstage inappropriate romances, and oh, so much more.

So it was with great trepidation that I attended this show. There was NO WAY any local theatre group could pull this off! As it turned out, I had nothing to fear. Every element of the show was perfect, from sets to costumes to the lighting and especially the cast, who were spot-on perfect. 

It's a crap-shoot when you go to a community theatre show, I admit. You may waste 3+ hours of your life seeing a 40 year old blond Irish woman playing Maria in "West Side Story", or you could see a really talented group of people putting on an awesome production.

Just like we did the other day.

Goings and Comings

Where does the time  go?

Regular readers of this blog will recall that in my last post I resolved to post on a more reliable basis. That this is the first new post in a week is a testimony to how reliable I am.

I do have some excuses though.

•The What-Not Muppet I received for Christmas arrived in the mail. I would go into detail about  how thrilled I am with it here, but I am saving it for the fine TV site I write for, Clique Clack (see link at right), as it's sort of related to TV.

Why would receiving a toy in the mail distract me from  writing this column, you ask? Boy, you don't know me very well.

• I got a new freelance gig that I am very excited about, and also can't tell you about. Sorry.

• Perfect Wife and I began rehearsals for a new play. It is PW's biggest role ever (and my smallest), and I can't wait to see her in it. I would give you details about where and when this show is being performed, but then some of you reading this might actually attend a performance, and we can't have that.

Actually, the biggest excuse I have for not blogging is that it's January, and not much happens in January. Nothing really interesting has happened of late (although regular readers of this blog may wonder if ANYTHING interesting ever happens to me).

However! We're moving into February, so hopefully the pace will pick up around here, and we'll  be back to the Caravan of Laughs this site usually is.

Or we can wait till March.

No, Rocco!

Sorry for the lapse in posting lately. A lot has been going on in these parts. For those of you who depend on this site for your daily-dose-of-chuckles, I resolve, in the spirit of New Year's resolutions, to do better. 

Don't hold your breath.

The big news for our family this week? We almost lost Rocco the Wonder Dog! We've had quite a bit of snow in these parts lately, and Rocco, for reasons known only to him, LOVES to burrow around in the stuff. Perfect Wife was putting him out on his leash last Monday, when all of a sudden Rocco (who usually waits patiently for his leash to be  attached) ran like a crazy man (or dog) into the busy street! He must have had some canine version of cabin-fever, I suppose.

Long  story short, he got clipped by a truck. I wasn't witness to the incident, but PW said if Rocco had been one second faster, he would be taking a dirt nap right now (Thank Goodness he is too chubby for much alacrity!). As it was, he came away from the experience with only a sprained paw. He was pretty quiet for the rest of the day, and we all hoped he'd learned his lesson.

Our hopes were in vain. Today he again made a mad dash for the road, but I was able to catch him in time. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Rocco isn't an old dog, but apparently you can't teach him ANY tricks! He is his own person.

If this snow doesn't go away soon, though, we may have to attempt to "paper train" Rocco. I don't have a lot of optimism about the success of this plan, however.

It might be easier to move to San Diego.