Did'ja Miss Me?

Loyal Readers of this blog will recall that back in June I said I was starting a new gig, and it might be a spell before I posted anything new. Well, I was right. I didn't think, though, that it was going to be a whoppin' TWO FREAKIN' MONTHS between posts!!! Truly sorry about that, kids. 

The good news for all of you Faithful Followers out there, is that, thanks to all wacky experiences I had this Summer I have a vast wealth of things to post about! And post I shall...

One thing that happened this Summer, certainly not the biggest, and definitely not the best, is that we have had a new addition to the family! NO! Not THAT kind of addition (Thank Goodness)! Sometime in August, Riley the Terror Cat Swelled our ranks. 

Actually, we do not refer to him by that moniker, but if he could speak, Rocco the Wonder Dog* certainly would. We obtained Riley from a neighbor of ours who has had Riley since he was a kitten.  For various, and far too boring, reasons to go into, they needed the cat to vacate their premises. Since we thought Rocco would like the company, and since our house wasn't covered in cat hair and reeking of cat urine yet, we agreed to adopt Riley.

Well, it has been fine having a cat in the family. Sorta. See, at first we were worried that Rocco would terrorize the cat. We needn't have worried. Riley, from the "git-go", has made it clear to Rocco that he is not fond of dogs, and that any attempts to get better acquainted will be met with a whole  bunch of hissing, spitting and other unpleasant cat-type behavior. Fortunately for Rocco, Riley is de-clawed, so he can't hurt Rocco (Yes, I too, think de-clawing cats is really inhumane, but in this case I am grateful). Rocco,  sadly, is  unaware that Riley is "all talk", so he avoids him as best as he can.

Riley does have his good points: He is he a handsome creature, and  super affectionate. He is also an excellent mouse-catcher, as he demonstrated when he presented us with a half-eaten baby mouse his second day here. The cat being an excellent mouse-catcher is actually a mixed blessing, as, until presented with the evidence, I was unaware we needed an excellent mouse-catcher. I was happy in my ignorance. Now I keep thinking that the walls of our home are crawling with vermin. Not really a thought conductive for a good night's sleep.

I've prattled on long enough about this cat.  Next time, more  of what I've been up to** and,  as always, heapin' helpings of hilarity!

*I thought calling Rocco, "Rocco the Wonder Dog" was witty and original. Lately, I've seen a whole bunch of hacks refer to their dogs with the same title. So, from now on, he's just "Rocco". Unless I can come up with something else.

**For those asking, no, I haven't forgotten that I still owe you all a report on my trip to my art school alma mater. It's coming!

2011, ALREADY?!

Where does the time go? Another year over, another year gone.  We here at Casa del Blanco had our ups and downs, but overall, we had a pretty good year. Here are some of the highlights and low lights:

• We started the year with me having serious medical issues. Not the most auspicious start to the year, but fortunately everything worked out for the best, and I am feeling fine. I also got a freelance gig as a result of the experience!

• Alas, we lost my Mum, which was sad, but I really believe she has gone on to a much better place. One where all of her beloved pets are around her, and "Happy Hour" starts whenever she likes. Also, a place where she and her cousin Marie don't have to battle it out over who pays the check. I am also happy that the bond between my Sisters and I was re-affirmed during the whole ordeal.

• Perfect Wifey and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary, and we couldn't be happier. I don't know what it is about this woman, but somehow, she enriches my life in every way.

• PW and I also got to travel a lot this year. We went to NYC, Orlando (more on that later, I promise!) and my favorite, Albany, NY! Who knows what our travel plans for 2011 hold? Could a trip to Dover, NJ be in our future?

• Rocco the Wonder Dog. For those who came in late, I love this little guy. Man's Best Friend, indeed.

• I had the opportunity to participate in a number of local theatre productions. It was enough to convince me that, really, I am done with that.

• My "Cartooning Career" had all kinds of ups and downs. I am hoping for better in 2011. If you know of anyone that needs an artist, gimmie a call.

• The most rewarding thing, though, I hafta say, is doing this blog, and reading the comments from all of you faithful readers. To David, Paula, Chris, Mykal, eeteed, Scott, Mike, Pepper, Newton, Mark and anyone else who has visited this blog and left a comment, good or bad, thanks. For those of you reading this that haven't commented, comment! You could be on this list next year!

• One big low light: Still no Remote Controlled K9. Oh well, other than that, a very good year.

As a famous Doctor once said: "To days to come, and all my love to long ago."

Birthday Beagle

In  case you forgot to mark it on your calendars, Sunday is Rocco the Wonder Dog's birthday. He's six years old!

We don't have anything elaborate planned for the day. Most likely Rocco will just relax with his best friends/chew toys, Itchy the Flea and Squirrelly the Squirrel. We can't invite any of his doggy pals over, because he doesn't have any. Rocco doesn't really care for other dogs. He prefers the company of people, since they are far more likely to be eating something that they might be willing to share with him.

So Rocco is a year older. Sadly, he is not a year wiser. He still fails to understand that the rug under my desk is not the spot for him to use for bathroom emergencies. Maybe though, Rocco knows exactly what he is doing, and it is I that am getting no wiser if I expect him to change his behavior. That's probably it.

Whatever. Rocco brings such joy into our lives that I guess I can put up with a little piddle every now and again.

Only a little, though!

Snow Worries!

I usually don't have any faith in TV weather forecasters. It seems to be  the only job where you can be wrong all the time, and still stay employed. Weather forecasters seem to  excel in an inability to accurately predict what the weather is going to do. This time, however, they hit the nail on the head. They said we here in the Irish Riviera were going to be walloped with one heck of a snow storm, and they were right.

Man, we were hit with one doozy  of a  snow storm! Thankfully, Perfect Wife and I have finished all of our Holiday shopping, so we could just hunker down and enjoy the storm. By "hunker down", I mean that I could complain about lower back pain and avoid snow-shoveling duty, while she went out and did the heavy lifting. Believe me, it is a pleasure to sit back  with a cup of hot cocoa and watch your significant other shovel snow.

That is a joke, of course. I helped shovel the snow. I spent almost five minutes out there.  As did Rocco the Wonder Dog. Although he hates most other versions of inclement weather, Rocco loves the snow. Why, we do not know, but we have stopped trying to understand how Rocco's mind works.

In writing the above, I realize this entry might come out as a bitch-a-thon about the weather. That couldn't be further from the truth. I love having a white Christmas! I also promise a more substantial entry next time.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Happy Fright Night to one and all!

What are your Halloween plans? Have you been invited to a fabulous costume party by your dearest of friends, where you'll wear that fantastic  costume you've put together? Great!

Perfect Wife and I haven't.

A few years back, we hosted a fantastic All Hallows Eve bash. We went all out (well, PW did) with decorations and all kinds of ghoulish goodies. Friends/family and total strangers from as far away as Florida came, and a good time was had by all. At least we think so. Our memories are fuzzy on the details of what happened as the evening progressed. The majority of the attendees are still alive and kicking as of this writing, and no one got pregnant, so we presume all went well.

The party was such a Galapalooza, that we were too exhausted to host another the next year. We were still full of the  Holiday spirit, though, and hoped one of our friends would host a bash. No one did. We surmised that perhaps they didn't think their party would measure up to ours, so they didn't even try to compete. As the years pass however, we still have not been invited to a Halloween bash. What's up with that?! Are we the only people in our circle of chums who have the Halloween spirit? Before you say, "Perhaps your friends are having parties, they just don't want you there", let me assure you nothing could be further from the truth. PW and I are delightful party guests. We always bring something (PW's Taco Salad is always a hit), and, to my knowledge, my shenanigans are the hit of every party we've ever attended. We also recycle our empties.

You may also wonder why we just don't host our own Halloween party if we're so fired up for one? Well, we would, but our new place can't really accommodate the crowds we would expect. Also, since our last party, Rocco the Wonder Dog has joined the family, and he is not a "party" kind of guy.

So, this year, it looks like we will be sitting at home, watching some appropriate programming, with our ears cocked for the rare Trick or Treat-er. 

Unless you'd like to invite us to your house...

Please note: The above piece was all in jest. You don't have to invite us to  your party. For me, spending an evening snuggling with PW and watching scary movies is better than any party could ever be.

Unless you're having a REALLY good  party...

Vetting Bills

As regular readers of this site already know, and are no doubt tired of hearing, my family pet, Rocco the Wonder Dog is much loved. We would do anything to keep him happy and healthy. 

We are pretty lucky with Rocco. He is not a high maintenance kind of guy. We don't really have to spend a lot on expensive groomers and the like, and for the most part he respects our personal property. He doesn't rip up furniture or chew shoes to bits. Understanding that the rug is not a bathroom option is a whole other matter, but that is a topic for another day.

One of the things we do have to do for our little buddy of course, is take him to the veterinarian for checkups. Rocco, it appears, would not mind if we skipped this particular activity, but we want him around for a long time. Rocco loves to get in the car and go just about anywhere with us, but he draws the line at the vet. Fortunately for us, the vet visit comes as a complete surprise to him until it is too late. He usually demonstrates his displeasure at our choice of destination by leaving a small "deposit" in the animal hospital waiting room. You can't blame him really. I don't like being poked and prodded by total strangers either.

Today, to Rocco's unhappy surprise, we made another visit to the vet. The good news is, except for a slight weight issue, he is fine. The bad news? This "routine" checkup cost TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-EIGHT BUCKS! "For what?!", you might ask? Well, we did buy a couple of little potions and lotions the doctor recommended, but that's still a lot of money for looking in a dog's ears and sticking a thermometer up his butt! I am now firmly on Rocco's side. I don't like going to the vet either. Why isn't President Obama working on a health care plan for pets?

Maybe it would have been cheaper to get a goldfish.

Please don't tell Rocco I said that.

Happy Rocco Day!

Today is another momentous occasion in our household. Rocco the Wonder Dog is five years old today!

Since today is his special day, we will not dwell on the things he doesn't do well (like respecting the carpet). Rather, we will appreciate the one thing Rocco is really good at. Rocco is really good at being a dog!

That is to say Rocco is not aspiring to be a human being, as some other dogs (and their masters) seem to. I get really frustrated with people who insist their dogs are "almost people". Dogs are dogs and people are people. The wise dogs and people know this. Rocco does, and celebrates his doggie-ness. He does not need to know how to drive a car or open a refrigerator. If he needs such things done, he knows there is one of those two legged creatures around to do it for him. Neither does he feel the need to perform "tricks", or to "obey". Just ask him to "sit" or "heel". He will look at you like you are the stupidest thing he has ever seen, which you are if you expect him to do things like sit, or heel.

The one thing Rocco does really well though, is showing us how much he loves us. He doesn't care what happened to  you at work or whatever, as long as his dish is full and you are around, and will cater to his every need, he loves you. No matter how bad your day is going, having that little guy climb onto your lap, look at you with his moist brown eyes and fall asleep makes all your troubles melt away. "He so loves and trusts us", you think to yourself, as you contemplate the fact you are now pinned underneath a 40 pound beagle for the next hour or so.

So Happy Birthday, little buddy! A dog's life, like a pleasant breeze, is short. So let's enjoy it while we can.

News Update!

As has become something of a tradition at this site, I am starting today's post with apologies to all of you Faithful Readers out there for the lack of entries here lately.

I have often made this apology to all of you out there before. No doubt you wonder, "What major events are going on that prevent this goofball from just doing a few scribbles and writing a few random blatherings each day?" An excellent question! Here are a few a the diversions that have kept me away from you for so long, as well as a few other points of interest:

• Perfect Wife and I began our now-annual tradition of working part time at a local outdoor concert venue. The money is laughable, but we get to enjoy the Summer nights and get to experience the shows for free. At least that's the theory. The reality is somewhat different.

Last year, we did parking detail, as well as general maintenance and security. This year, we decided to "upgrade" to the lofty position of USHER. Our job is to stand at attention, and guide patrons to their assigned seats. Sounds simple, right? Well, maybe for our high school co-workers, but PW and I are completely confused by the venue's  convoluted seat numbering. Several times, we led patrons on a happy traipse through the aisles searching for their seats, all the while quoting the immortal excuse of the truly incompetent, "Sorry, I'm new here". I'm sure that we'll figure it out by the end of the season. Well, at least PW will, and can cover for me.

The other down side to the gig is that standing for hours on hard concrete is really hard on the ol' back, even when I'm wearing my all- black Chuck-T's. It sounds like I'm whining (and I am, I suppose), but my back is KILLING me! We're talking "Now-I-know-why-old people-complain-so-much", pain. Is this Karma paying me back  for all the years I lied to my Mother about back trouble to avoid snow-shovel duty? I plan to invest in a pair of Dr. Scholl® inserts, and hopefully that will mitigate the problem. A bonus will be that I can proudly announce to one and all that I am indeed "gellin.'"

• On the Freelance Cartoonist front, I did not get a big book illustration job I was being considered for. I did  a bunch of samples gratis, and the editors said they really liked them, but they wanted someone with a "name". I always tell aspiring cartoonists to NEVER do any work on "spec", and yet I failed to follow my own advice some twenty plus years into my "career". So I repeat this advice to all aspiring cartoonists out there: NEVER DO WORK FOR FREE!!!

• On a tragic note, the birdhouse that sits on a pole in our yard suffered a late-night home invasion by a pack of raccoons. They trashed the joint, busting up the house and knocking it off it's base. We fear the bird family residing there suffered an unpleasant fate, but perhaps they escaped. Pretty to think so.

Happily PW's Perfect Dad is a whiz with tools, and was able to perform an "EXTREME MAKEOVER: BIRDHOUSE EDITION", restoring the house to its former glory. A new bird couple has already moved in, and we will keep an eye out for the raccoons. 

• In addition to raccoons, coyotes have been making appearances in our yard. Unlike their Warner Bros. cartoon counterpart, these critters do not delight us as they run about building elaborate traps they purchased from the ACME® company. Mostly, they lurk about looking creepy, and cause Rocco the Wonder Dog much distress.

• Speaking of Rocco, after a long, exhaustive research period, we have finally compiled a list of the foods Rocco will not eat. To no one's surprise, the list is rather short. In fact, it is non-existent. Rocco will eat anything, including vegetables, peanuts, Tootsie Rolls®, sugary breakfast cereals, and many other things both edible and inedible that he should not have, and that you would presume he'd steer away from. I know you are thinking, "You shouldn't be feeding him that stuff!", and you're right. We try not to. Rocco, however, has really nailed his "I-am-starving-to-death-and-these-hogs-are-stuffing-their-faces" look, all the while making eye contact at you with his sad brown eyes. It is difficult to resist.

• Finally, for those of you out there that are parents and are worried your kids may stumble across this page and find some objectionable material, not to worry! This blog has been rated "PG" by a  goofy website that rates blogs for content for some reason. I could have earned a wholesome "G" rating, but one of my posts had the word "crap" in it. Oh, no! I said "crap" again! There! I said "crap" again! Now I probably have a "XXX" rating!

 Oh crap.

Where Does the Time Go?!

At the beginning of this year, I promised you, my faithful and not-so-faithful readers, that I was going to make a concerted effort to post more frequently. As you may have noticed, I have failed miserably. I do have an excuse though: Time flies!

We have been really busy here at Casa del Blanco lately. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to get all the things done we want to do. I know you, dear reader, are probably busy too, so this excuse of mine may seem lame, and even whiney, but it is the only excuse I have, so please bear with me.

Alas, most of the things that have kept me busy would not be very interesting for you to read about. Sure, my recent haircut came out nice, but I'm afraid the  details of the whole procedure would not keep you riveted. So here are some of the more interesting things that have happened hereabouts:

• I've picked up a few gigs doing character development on some top-secret projects, unfortunately, I can't tell you anything about them. Yet.

• I gave a guest lecture on caricaturing at a local cartoon class taught by my friend and mentor Mat Brown, and had a wonderful time. The class was full of bright, talented, amateur cartoonists, which is a refreshing change from the usual slug-a-beds you encounter in the student population of most local cartoon classes. The highlight of the evening was when Perfect Wife posed for the students for a caricature. It was a brave move on her part, and I believe she left with her self-esteem intact. It was pretty funny- if you  weren't her.

• Perfect Wife and I celebrated 20 months of marital bliss yesterday! We went to a fancy restaurant (Fancy for us, they had silverware and everything! Also, no item on the menu had "Mc" on an entree name.). I had the best piece of prime rib I ever had, served with something called a Mashed Potato Garlic Cake, that was yummy too. Unfortunately, PW's salmon was overcooked. When we complained to our waitress, we were comped dessert and drinks. That would have been nice if we were paying for it, but we were using a gift certificate.

Sadly, when we returned home, I realized how long it had been since I had eaten beef (we've been eating chickens and piggies mostly, lately), and I experienced a few hours of gastric distress. It wasn't pretty.

It was still a wonderful evening.

• The biggest time-sucker for PW and I, is that we are performing in another local musical. If you have ever performed in a play, you know how much work is involved. I got lucky this time, as I only have a small role that involves no heavy lifting. PW, however, has a fairly large role, so it keeps her pretty busy. She is, of course, wonderful in the role, and I get goosebumps watching her from the wings. Lest you think I am biased about her performance, she even got a nice nod in the local paper's review.

One unfortunate side effect of our participation in the show is that we are out of the house a lot at night. This has caused Rocco the Wonder Dog to begin to have some " separation anxieties".

These anxieties usually manifest themselves by Rocco befouling the kitchen floor while we are out. Cleaning up dog droppings at 10 at night is not exactly the perfect ending to the day.

The show runs 2 more weeks, then hopefully life will get back to normal.

Or as normal as life gets around here.

I'm Back!

Hello Dear Readers! I know it has been awhile since I have posted anything here, but I have been super-busy!

Okay, that's a lie. 

The truth is, is just haven't been able to come up with anything that is worthy of the high quality that I know you, the reader, demand of this parade of laughs. I do have a few ideas roaming around in my brain, however, so I thought it would be fun (or at least, easier for me) if YOU, my devoted followers, decided what you wanted to see.

Here's a few ideas:

• A detailed recounting of the worst production of the musical, ANNIE, I ever saw.

• In the same vein, tales of horror from community theatre. These stories are not for the faint of heart!

• Another tasty dish from the Bill White Cookbook.

• Information on what I would do if I was King of the World.

• Why everybody but me is an @$$hole while driving.

• I finally settle the argument, RAZZLES: Candy or Gum?

• More hideous examples of my student art and the pathetic stories behind them.

• More stories about Rocco the Wonder Dog or Perfect Wife (Actually, don't bother voting for this, I will most likely do it anyway).

I could go on, but this is the short list. Please take a moment and vote for one in the comments section. Also, if you have something you'd like to hear me vent about, please let me know. 

Thanks!

No, Rocco!

Sorry for the lapse in posting lately. A lot has been going on in these parts. For those of you who depend on this site for your daily-dose-of-chuckles, I resolve, in the spirit of New Year's resolutions, to do better. 

Don't hold your breath.

The big news for our family this week? We almost lost Rocco the Wonder Dog! We've had quite a bit of snow in these parts lately, and Rocco, for reasons known only to him, LOVES to burrow around in the stuff. Perfect Wife was putting him out on his leash last Monday, when all of a sudden Rocco (who usually waits patiently for his leash to be  attached) ran like a crazy man (or dog) into the busy street! He must have had some canine version of cabin-fever, I suppose.

Long  story short, he got clipped by a truck. I wasn't witness to the incident, but PW said if Rocco had been one second faster, he would be taking a dirt nap right now (Thank Goodness he is too chubby for much alacrity!). As it was, he came away from the experience with only a sprained paw. He was pretty quiet for the rest of the day, and we all hoped he'd learned his lesson.

Our hopes were in vain. Today he again made a mad dash for the road, but I was able to catch him in time. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Rocco isn't an old dog, but apparently you can't teach him ANY tricks! He is his own person.

If this snow doesn't go away soon, though, we may have to attempt to "paper train" Rocco. I don't have a lot of optimism about the success of this plan, however.

It might be easier to move to San Diego. 

Phoney Business

Cordless telephones are wonderful things. Instead of being tied to one room in the house, you can wander all over the place while you chat with friends, bill collectors, or solicitors from the police benefit society.

They also have inspired a new national pastime, which we play a lot in this house. It's called, "FIND THE FREAKIN' PHONE!"

The rules are simple. It's basically a variation of the family classic, "WHERE'S THE FREAKIN' TV REMOTE?" To play, one player makes a call. After they hang up, they leave the phone off the cradle wherever they happen to be. It can be anyplace: the kitchen counter, under a pillow,  or even the back porch. Some clever players, myself included, leave it in the bathroom. The next time the phone rings, the fun begins! Each member of the family begins shouting to all the others to answer the phone, and each person can shriek questions as to the location of  the phone, and launch into accusations as to who was on it last. Then, anyone who wants to participate can race about the house, looking for where the ringing is coming from. Teenagers who don't want their parents to know who they're talking to are particularly enthusiastic players. If you don't have children, profanity is certainly permitted.

In our house, we have 4 telephone jacks, so you would think the game might not be that challenging for us. You would be wrong. The members of our family can find many ingenious hiding places. Furniture cushions are popular, under the bed is a classic, too. My favorite spot is under a dog who's so sound asleep, he is oblivious to the ringing one inch from his head.

The one who  finds the phone wins the game, and gets to admonish all the other players to hang up the phone next time. If the call wasn't for that player, they are also permitted to roll their eyes at whomever the call was for.

I realize this game isn't in the same class as "Clue" or "Mystery Date", but we still play it quite a  bit in these parts.

I must cut this column short, the phone is ringing.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Reunited, and It Feels So Good

For those of  you who have been burned in a relationship, and feel you will never find "The One", take heart! There is always a second chance with that someone special. I witnessed this first hand last night.

As you may recall from my previous post, Rocco the Wonder Dog had a special bond with the Squeaky Squirrel toy he got for Christmas, "Squirrely". They were inseparable,  but Rocco "loved" Squirrely a little too hard, and  he was seemingly destroyed. Rocco was devastated at the loss of his little friend.

However, if I have learned one thing in life (and this may be the only thing I've learned), is that there are always second chances. Even in relationships.

Last night, perhaps having been moved by my previous post, Perfect Wife got out a needle & thread and managed to restore Squirrely to his (almost) former glory! Rocco couldn't have  been more delighted to reunite with his inanimate pal, and raced about the house, giving Squirrely a long overdue (in Rocco's mind at least), solid shaking. He was also quite possessive of Squirrely, and wouldn't let any one of us near him. He retired for the evening sound  asleep, with his little buddy clenched firmly in his mouth.

So take heart, there is  someone out there for everyone, and nothing can stand in the way of true love.

Even if you are just a cheap squeaky squirrel.

R.I.P. Squirrely

We have experienced a loss in our family.

Last Christmas, Rocco the Wonder Dog received a squeaky squirrel toy as a gift from his Aunt. It was a wonderful present. The squirrel, who we named "Squirrely" (we're really clever and original when it comes to naming things), even  had the same coloring as Rocco. It was love at first sight, and Rocco and Squirrely became inseparable pals. They spent hours together, and Rocco was very possessive of his little friend, as any human who tried to wipe the spit off Squirrely soon learned.

Alas, Rocco may have loved too fast and too hard. The other day, after a serious shaking from Rocco (a favorite pastime for them, it seemed), Squirrely ripped open. We might have been able  to save him, but Rocco had eaten most of his chum's cotton stuffing.

It was a beautiful relationship, while it lasted, but Rocco still has his filthy tug-of-war sock and rubber hot dog (which  used to squeak until Rocco swallowed the squeak thing) to console him, so he trudges on. Still, there will never be another Squirrely for him.

Unless I can get to PetCo today.

Christmas Fifth Quarter

The Christmas Holiday has finally passed. I hope everyone reading this had as wonderful a time as we here at Casa del Blanco did. 

Perfect Wife and I had  a nice quiet day, and then the day after, we hosted our annual Christmas party. The guest list included the Fabulous Sisters and their respective spouses, my Wonderful Son, and Perfect Wife's  Perfect Parents. A good time was had by all. At least that's what we were told.

Santa was especially good to us. PW got a new coat and some fancy perfume. We also got the always-nice-to-have gift cards.

Rocco the Wonder Dog got a squeaky squirrel toy, which he has become quite fond of.

I really hit the jackpot present-wise, though. I must have been a really good boy this year! Not only did I get a replica of Doctor Who's TARDIS, for those of you who  are regular readers of this blog and have been wringing your hands with anxiety, relax. I DID get a remote control K9 (which is back-ordered, but I'm told is on its way) AND a Muppet Whatnot Kit. I know this sounds like the gift list of a nine year old, instead of a  grown man, but what can I say?

Upon reflection, Santa is not doing too well on keeping  track of his naughty/nice list.

However, Christmas truly isn't  about what you get. It's about what you already have.The best part of Christmas this year, for me, was spending it with those I love the most. I wouldn't trade that feeling for all the  Doctor Who toys and Muppets in the world.

Well, maybe I  would.

Merry Christmas!

To all my loyal readers, and even to you casual drop-ins, the happiest of Holidays to you all.

You may wonder what today's cartoon has to do with Christmas. "Why didn't he draw Santa, or Rocco the Wonder Dog with antlers, or SOMETHING even remotely Christmas-ish?", you might ask.

Today's cartoon has everything to do with Christmas. It is my depiction of actor Rossano Brazzi, in his immortal role as Phineas T. Prune in the "classic" Holiday film, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't". It is perhaps one of the worst films ever made, and maybe someday I'll go on at length about why I  feel that way.

I did take away one lesson from the film, however. In the movie, Mr. Prune attempts to ruin Christmas. Don't do this. No matter what happens today (Uncle Joe gets drunk, you didn't get a Nintendo 3, your relative is being annoying, etc.), remember what this holiday is all about, cherish the people you're with and be of good cheer.

Remember, as Tiny Tim once said, "God Bless us, every one!"

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Etc...

According to the weather forecasters (who are never wrong), we here in the Northeast of the U.S. of A. are in for one whopper of a snowstorm! Being the helpful chap I am, I've decided to share some snow survival tips with you. (You readers in warmer climates can laugh all you want now. We will enjoy watching the tornado coverage in your little corner of paradise next Summer.)

Remember the following:

• When you hear news of heavy snowfall, IMMEDIATELY go to the market and get all the bread and milk you can. Even if you don't regularly consume either item, this seems to be what most people do, so follow the herd.

• If you have a lot of relatives in the house, be sure to stock up on liquor. Not for them, for you. You will need it.

• Before the snow even begins to fall, begin complaining to your nearest and dearest of lower back pain. This will ensure you can get out of snow-shoveling duty.

• If the power fails, call the power company right away! You are sure to be connected to someone instantly, who was unaware of the massive power failure, and will make your problem their #1 priority.

• Also, in the case of  an outage, and faced with the prospect of no heat, or worse, no television, be sure to make the comment, "This is like how people lived in olden times!", at least every 15 minutes. This was a family tradition when I was growing up.

• If you are lucky enough to keep your power on, make sure you watch the local news, to see some poor reporter standing out in the cold telling you just how bad the snow is. A valuable fact you couldn't figure out by just looking out the window yourself.

• If you are unfortunate enough to be driving in this type of weather, no worries! Talk on your cell phone! Drink your coffee! Drive as fast as you please! It's not like you'll skid out on a  slippery road and kill yourself or someone else. Admittedly, this is a tip I have learned from my fellow drivers.

That's about all I have for now. My plans are to throw a log on the fire, snuggle with Perfect Wife, and find out if Rocco the Wonder Dog is willing to go outside in this kind of weather.

I am not hopeful.

Guest Blog

• Due to a recent illness, the regular author of this blog is unable to post. To fill this void, and since he has nothing else to do, we have turned this blog over to none other than Rocco the Wonder Dog for today. Here is his post:

My name is Rocco. Don't call me that, though. Unless you have food or are going to take me outside, I will not respond.

I live with four hairless creatures. For some reason, they walk on their two back legs instead of all four. Why, I don't know. Maybe it is because it enables them to open the shiny metal box that holds all the good food, a trick I am unable to do myself.

The hairless creatures are pretty nice, and I enjoy hanging out with them, especially if they are eating something. My favorite is the one they call "Daddy". He is around a lot, and when he is eating, I can usually get him to share with me by using my patented "sad-I-am-so-hungry" face. I also let him sleep in my bed, which for some reason he thinks is his. Silly Daddy! I gently remind him it is Rocco's bed, by pushing him over and snoring as loudly as I can.

Another hairless one I live with is called "Mumma". I like her, but she has her faults. Can't a dog whizz on the rug without her raising a ruckus? She is also quite stingy when it comes to sharing food. I also hear her make noises that sound like, "He peed on the rug again!", or something like that. Then she sprays some substance on the rug that totally ruins the smell I marked my spot with.

They actually make a lot of noises, these hairless ones. I really don't understand any of the noises they make, except for maybe "food" or "out". They seem to use the noise, "NO ROCCO!", a lot, but I have no idea what that means. Can't they just bark like a normal canine? Sometimes they do attempt to bark, but their grammar is pathetic.

Sometimes, they get in these big machines they have that go places. Often, they are gone for a long time, and I wonder if they will ever come back. So far, they have always returned, but it is still worrisome. Once and awhile, they take me with them, and we go to a place where I can run around all I like and smell all kinds of smells. You have to be careful about getting into one of those machines though: Sometimes they take you to a horrible place, where other hairless ones look in your mouth and ears, and poke you with stingy things. Why they think Rocco would want to go somewhere like this is beyond me!

Overall, I lead a pretty pleasant life, and if only squirrels would understand that they are not allowed in MY yard, I would be one happy dog.

I have to go now. The Daddy one is opening up the food box!