Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Etc...
According to the weather forecasters (who are never wrong), we here in the Northeast of the U.S. of A. are in for one whopper of a snowstorm! Being the helpful chap I am, I've decided to share some snow survival tips with you. (You readers in warmer climates can laugh all you want now. We will enjoy watching the tornado coverage in your little corner of paradise next Summer.)
Remember the following:
• When you hear news of heavy snowfall, IMMEDIATELY go to the market and get all the bread and milk you can. Even if you don't regularly consume either item, this seems to be what most people do, so follow the herd.
• If you have a lot of relatives in the house, be sure to stock up on liquor. Not for them, for you. You will need it.
• Before the snow even begins to fall, begin complaining to your nearest and dearest of lower back pain. This will ensure you can get out of snow-shoveling duty.
• If the power fails, call the power company right away! You are sure to be connected to someone instantly, who was unaware of the massive power failure, and will make your problem their #1 priority.
• Also, in the case of an outage, and faced with the prospect of no heat, or worse, no television, be sure to make the comment, "This is like how people lived in olden times!", at least every 15 minutes. This was a family tradition when I was growing up.
• If you are lucky enough to keep your power on, make sure you watch the local news, to see some poor reporter standing out in the cold telling you just how bad the snow is. A valuable fact you couldn't figure out by just looking out the window yourself.
• If you are unfortunate enough to be driving in this type of weather, no worries! Talk on your cell phone! Drink your coffee! Drive as fast as you please! It's not like you'll skid out on a slippery road and kill yourself or someone else. Admittedly, this is a tip I have learned from my fellow drivers.
That's about all I have for now. My plans are to throw a log on the fire, snuggle with Perfect Wife, and find out if Rocco the Wonder Dog is willing to go outside in this kind of weather.
I am not hopeful.