I Now Pronounce You...

As you may recall, in my last post, I wondered about the romantic life of every body's favorite fast-food clown, Ronald McDonald™. Since I had no knowledge of Ronald's sexual preferences or private life, I had to use my imagination to come up with the perfect "life partner" for him.

I presented you, the readers of this blog, with two choices: One was the foxy Donna McDonald™, a saucy clown lady who loved a good time  and provided you with a "fry with that shake", and Bertha, an unpleasant battle axe who was pretty much the 1950's stereotype of a horrible wife.

You have spoken, and although some of you wanted Ronald to experience emotional pain in equal measure to the digestive pain his employer's food has caused you, romance won out. From now on, and until I  receive a legal injunction from the McDonald's Corporation,  Donna McDonald™ is the new Mrs. McDonald™. It's nice to think Ronald has someone to come home to after a long day of dealing with  daily life in McDonaldland™. Things like the Fry Guys™ shenanigans, Grimace's personality disorder, and corruption in the McDonaldland™ police department (Question for Big Mac™: Why doesn't Birdie the Early Bird™ ever get a parking ticket?), must really wear a clown out!

I'm for one glad to think Donna is waiting at home waiting, with a McMartini™ in hand, to make  all his troubles melt away...

In preparing this post,  I realized this is the FORTH time I  have referenced Ronald McDonald™ on this  blog! I have no  explanation or excuse for this. I am not a fan of clowns, and McDonald's™, though as safe a place as any to get a fast food meal, isn't my favorite. I have no explanation for this. Let's just hope this is my last McDonald's-centric™ post.

And rest assured,  I will post no musings on, "Who is the Burger Queen™"!

Mrs. McDonald?

As a lifetime customer and aficionado of the McDonald's™ fast food chain, I have often wondered about the private life of  their mascot, Ronald McDonald™. In television commercials we see him  skipping around with children, before luring them to the premises of his corporate overlords. What though, does he do when the cameras aren't rolling? Does Ronald have a private life? 

We all know that Ronald  has friends like Grimace™ and the Hamburgler™, but are there any chicks in McDonaldland™? What does Ronald do when he has "urges" that a Happy Meal just won't satisfy? Is there a "Mrs. McDonald"?

I'd like to think that there is. A beautiful, comely clown-woman who shares Ronald's love of questionable dietary choices and hanging around with children you are not related to. Let's call her "Donna McDonald".  Donna loves to share in all of Ronald's interests. She likes long walks on the beach, eating McNuggets™ in an evocative way and doesn't mind when Mayor McCheese™ calls in the middle of the night in a Shamrock Shake™-induced seizure.

It would be pretty to think that Ronald had such a supportive woman at his side, but in reality I'm afraid he would be stuck with the other image I have posted here: Bertha McDonald. This overweight battle axe would question every decision Ronald made ("You're bringing back  the McRib™, again?!") and blame Ronald for the onset  of  her Type II Diabetes.

I might be wrong though. What do YOU, the faithful readers of  this blog, think? Vote for your choice of Ronald  McDonald's™ ideal  mate in the comments section. Once I have tallied up the thousands of votes I receive (please note ironic sarcasm), I'll forward  the results to McDonald's™ headquarters, and we can give  this corporate shill the bride he deserves!

Unless they serve me with a cease and desist order...