As a lifetime customer and aficionado of the McDonald's™ fast food chain, I have often wondered about the private life of their mascot, Ronald McDonald™. In television commercials we see him skipping around with children, before luring them to the premises of his corporate overlords. What though, does he do when the cameras aren't rolling? Does Ronald have a private life?
We all know that Ronald has friends like Grimace™ and the Hamburgler™, but are there any chicks in McDonaldland™? What does Ronald do when he has "urges" that a Happy Meal just won't satisfy? Is there a "Mrs. McDonald"?
I'd like to think that there is. A beautiful, comely clown-woman who shares Ronald's love of questionable dietary choices and hanging around with children you are not related to. Let's call her "Donna McDonald". Donna loves to share in all of Ronald's interests. She likes long walks on the beach, eating McNuggets™ in an evocative way and doesn't mind when Mayor McCheese™ calls in the middle of the night in a Shamrock Shake™-induced seizure.
It would be pretty to think that Ronald had such a supportive woman at his side, but in reality I'm afraid he would be stuck with the other image I have posted here: Bertha McDonald. This overweight battle axe would question every decision Ronald made ("You're bringing back the McRib™, again?!") and blame Ronald for the onset of her Type II Diabetes.
I might be wrong though. What do YOU, the faithful readers of this blog, think? Vote for your choice of Ronald McDonald's™ ideal mate in the comments section. Once I have tallied up the thousands of votes I receive (please note ironic sarcasm), I'll forward the results to McDonald's™ headquarters, and we can give this corporate shill the bride he deserves!
Unless they serve me with a cease and desist order...