These ARE the Droids We Were Looking For!

Last week, Perfect Wifey and I happened to find ourselves touring Disney's Hollywood Studios, at the magnificent Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, Florida. The DHS is a wonderful theme park, full of thrilling attractions, fun shows, marvelous decor and wonderfully themed restaurants that serve barely edible food. All of these elements make this a really great place to be (except for the food).

The highlight for me, though, is the "Star Tours: The Adventure Continues" attraction. This 3-D simulator ride takes you to many of the various hang-outs seen in the Star Wars films, and includes appearances by familiar (and beloved!) characters from the films. For those of you Star Wars fans out there that haven't experienced this attraction, all I can say is, put it on your bucket list. The ride technology really makes it feel like you are soaring through space in a galaxy far, far away, and since there are 57 different scenarios you can experience, you can ride it again and again and never get tired of it (PW disagrees with this opinion). Believe me, when Boba Fett, flying his ship, Slave I, started talkin' trash and fired on our ship, my lil' heart leaped, and when we engaged AT-AT's on Hoth, I had tears of joy streaming down my face.

Excuse me, I need a moment to pull myself together...

Okay, where was I? Oh yes! As thrilling as the Star Tours attraction was, I was even more excited to find out that the day of our visit, May 10th, was a special day. It was the day that the "Build-a-Droid Factory" was debuting at the "Tatooine Traders" gift shop, which is conveniently located at the exit of the ST attraction!

At the B-A-D Factory, you can choose from a multitude of droid parts, and assemble your very own personalized action figure! Allegedly, there are 71 different parts, and the possibilities for building your own unique droid are endless! Each figure costs about $12 each, or you can put together a 2 pack for $19. A bargain! (Again, PW begs to differ.) You also get a clam shell package to store your bounty in, and a sheet of  letter/number stickers that you can apply to the package to proclaim your  droid's "name".

I was thrilled to be able to be one of the first geeks on Earth to experience this, but of course, there were a few challenges to enjoying this experience to the fullest.

A fat guy stands on the head of a child he cut in front of,
and builds himself yet another droid.

For one thing it's a very small space, and there is only room for two people to assemble a droid at a time. For another, a lot of people want to build one.  The kids are delightful to watch: the look on their little faces as they assemble their own personal droid is priceless. Less-than-priceless, however, is the behavior of the adult Star Wars geeks with their massive sense of self-entitlement and their OCD need to build hundreds of  droids, oblivious to those patiently waiting behind them to build just one. As I was putting mine together, I asked one of the Cast Members if she had seen many adult geeks. She rolled her eyes and said, "You wouldn't believe it". Oh yes I would! Of course, she may have been including me in that group.

When I finally got a chance to build my droid, I was aware of the crowd behind me semi-patiently awaiting their turn. Consequently, I made some hasty decisions, but the result is something that I'm sure even George Lucas is kicking himself over for not thinking of first. I present: R2-PW:

All in all it was a great experience, and I can't wait to do go back and do it again.

"MAY THE FORCE (AND A FAT WALLET) BE WITH YOU!"

And geeks, if you go to  this, give the  kids a chance, and don't make a greedy ass of yourself!

Figure-d Out!

My name is Bill, and I am a toy addict.

To put it more specifically, I am an action figure addict. Yes, I am a grown man, but I love little plastic versions of my favorite characters from comics and movies.

Regular readers of this site have heard me mention my collection of Doctor Who action figures, and indeed, I have plenty of those. I also have a pile of other action figures, but there is one action figure line I posses that outnumbers all my other figures by far.

I have a crap-load of Star Wars figures.

I have always loved George Lucas' original trilogy, and although I liked the original line of toys released at the time of the films' release, I didn't pick up too many of them. After all, I was in High School at them time. What would the chicks think if they saw me buying toys?! In retrospect, probably nothing, as chicks, cool or no, weren't even aware I existed. I laugh now, thinking of how I used to worry about what people thought of me. If I wanted to be well thought of by my peers, why was I president of the Drama Club? I did buy a few, of course (discreetly). How could a  geek like me resist buying a Hammerhead figure, after all? For the most part, though, the whole "Star Wars Action Figure Phenomenon" passed me by. When the line petered out in 1985, I hardly noticed.

Things changed ten years later though. In 1995, Kenner Toys, the folks behind the original figures, started to release new versions of the classic characters. By this time, I had plenty of disposable income (or at least plenty by my standards) and I had humiliated myself enough that I no longer really cared what anyone thought of me. This new wave of figures, called "Power of the Force 2" figures by the toy folks, really appealed to me. A lot of die-hard fans groused about the beefy, bulked up proportions the characters sported, but I loved them, and started buying them like crazy! My cover story at the time was that I was buying them for my son, and he and I did play with them for hours, but anyone that knew me knew the truth: I was buying them for me. In true obsessive-compulsive fashion, I had to  have every single one, whether I liked the character or not. I spent hours and a small fortune hunting down  my little plastic pals. I amassed a huge collection. And I'm talkin' HUGE!

Eventually though, my interest waned and I stopped buying Star Wars figures. The biggest reason was that the "new" Star Wars prequel films came out, and I hated them. The figures released with the new films also sucked, in my opinion. For the next few years, I kind of drifted away from collecting toys, and my collection went into storage. Occasionally, I would see a toy I thought was cool, but really, I was done with the whole collecting thing. Actually, it felt good to free of my plastic addiction.

Things started to  change around 2006, when toys based on Doctor Who started to appear. As I lad, I always wanted Doctor Who action figures, but none were available at the time. Now that they were, I had to indulge my greedy inner child and have them all. The madness started again, but this time it was tempered by the fact that the figures weren't as cheap and as readily available as the Star Wars line was. Eventually, the rising prices and availability of some of the must-have figures cooled my enthusiasm for the DW stuff. I still pick up a piece now and again (and if you are looking to buy me something, Doctor Who toys will always be much appreciated), but I thought I had the whole toy-collecting-obsession thing under control.

Or at least I thought I did.

Even though I was done with Star Wars, I still kept abreast of the new toy releases. Although once and I while I would see something that I'd find tempting, I resisted the urge to purchase new toys. After all, I was cured!

That was until Hasbro Toys (the company that took over Kenner awhile back) released a new figure: The Super Articulated Stormtrooper! I was, am, and always will be, crazy about the Stormtroopers, and I could never have enough of them. Indeed, you should see the army I have lining my shelves. Everyone who sees them lined up says they are impressed. At least, that's what I think they're muttering to themselves when they see them. As much as I loved these guys though, I was always frustrated that they weren't very poseable. They only had 6 joints, so all they could really do  was stand up and sit down (Not that my Stormtroopers spend much time sitting around: There are no slackers in my army!). The new versions of the characters though, have fourteen points of articulation, so you can put in just about any pose you want! 

I had to have at least one of these guys, but it wasn't that big a priority for me. If I found one, I found one. If not, I was probably better off,  right?

Right! For Valentine's Day Perfect Wifey presented me with a Super Articulated Stormtrooper. It is perfect, and now I must have more. I have also noticed some major holes in the rest of my collection. Where is my Lobot? Where's a Death Star Trooper? Logray the Ewok? Admiral Ozzel? I need them all now! The obsession is back, and as bad as ever.*

If I find myself considering the purchase of a Jar Jar Binks figure though, you'll know  I hit bottom. 

* UPDATE 3/31/2011: To all you action figure fans out there who are keeping score: Since I posted this, I  DID get a Lobot, and although I didn't get Admiral Ozzel yet, I did get a Captain Needa figure at a good price. This works well for my display, as I have at least one Imperial Commander for Darth Vader to kick around. I like to leave him lying at Vader's feet. I can still  hear the line, in my head: "Apology accepted, Captain Needa". Good times...

A Million Dollar Idea

Most of the major cities and high-priced tourist traps you visit have at least one "theme" restaurant, where you eat mediocre food in an interactive environment. There are a bunch of them out there. There's Johnny Rockets (50's Diner theme), The Hard Rock Cafe (Rock and/or Roll theme), Medieval Times (watch guys in armor hit each other with plastic swords while you eat with your hands and smell horse-droppings theme), Planet Hollywood ("Look! It's the t-shirt Michael Keaton wore in Mr. Mom!" Theme), Rainforest Cafe (I

can't hear you, there's a giant robot elephant shrieking behind me, theme), and a whole lot more.

There's even a restaurant called "The Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.", based on the film, "Forest Gump". A fine film, for  sure, but does it have enough of a rabid fan base to pack in the crowds? Apparently, it does. So why not have a theme restaurant for one of the most beloved films of all time? 

Star Wars!

This is such a winner idea, I can't believe no one has thought of it yet. Since I do not own the rights to this property, and currently lack the venture capitol to get it off the ground, I can only imagine what would await customers at this eatery:

• The restaurant, of course, would be based on the wacky Mos Eisley Cantina Bar seen in the original film. Filled with employees dressed as all the weird aliens hanging around the bar.

• In the film, as you may recall, 'Droids (robots) were not allowed in the bar. So when you enter the restaurant, there will be a big sign that says, "NO 'DROIDS PAST THIS POINT". Stormtroopers could put little kids through a "scanner" to make sure they were not "'Droids in disguise". Kids would love that.

• Music would be provided by the cantina band in the original film. For additional atmosphere, every now and then a lightsaber battle could break out to entertain patrons.

• The menu could feature dining options like: Bantha Burgers, Jawa Juice, Chewbacca Chicken Nuggets, Palpatine Pasta, Sandman Salad and Han's Hot Buns. All these overpriced items could be washed down with that blue milk they were chugging in the film.

As the title  of this entry suggests, this is a big money idea, so if you are George Lucas or have a bunch of cash sitting around, give me a call and we can  get started.

I have other theme restaurant ideas (how 'bout a  Batcave restaurant that you have to slide down a pole to get into?), but you never know when some savvy investor will contact me, so I'm keeping the rest of my ideas to myself.

One more: "The Green Acres Pick Your Own Produce/Arnold Ziffle Encounter!