Friday, October 31, 2008

It's the (Second) Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Happy Halloween everyone! Given that the Holiday falls on a Friday this year, there will most likely be more folks than usual out celebrating tonight. With the increased crowd levels, I thought I'd offer a few tips I've learned over the years, culled from my personal experience and various horror movies I've seen, to enhance your enjoyment of this special night.

• Parents: If your kid has a really cool costume they like, make sure to force them to wear a big Winter coat over it to ruin its appearance. I don't know why you have to do this, but my Mother always did.

• Kids: If you have a really cool  costume that your Mother makes you wear a big coat over, ditch the coat as soon as you are out of sight. 

• If you run out of candy to distribute, I have found that most children will accept cash. If you run out of cash, immediately put on a clown costume and stand out waving on your front lawn. No child will approach your house that night or most likely ever again. One caveat: The authorities may take note of this behavior.

• Razor blade-laden or not, no kid has ever eaten an apple given to them on Halloween. Don't waste your time or theirs'. 

• If you're in a sour mood, give out toothbrushes or pamphlets on safety. These are always effective fun-killers.

• If you live in a home that has previously been the scene of  a hideous murder, the odds are pretty good that the killer will return tonight, so plan accordingly. Encourage your teens to have an unsupervised party, and make sure they invite a lot of scantily clad, promiscuous girls. And don't scrimp on the illegal substances!

• If you live in the above situation and wish to avoid your kids and all their friends being massacred, then by all means be sure to have a lovely cheese platter prepared. This will placate the maniac until the police arrive. That is, unless you live in a  community where the local Sheriff doesn't believe in all those stories about your place, and thinks it's "them trouble-makin' teens playin' pranks". Then, I'm afraid, you're on your own.

• If you do encounter some creature of the night and manage to kill them, make sure they are really dead before turning your back on them. In my movie-going experience, these things tend to have a pretty good recovery rate.

• If a creepy old guy tells you, "Don't go in that place, strange things have happened there", don't go in there. While I usually don't advocate heeding the advice of creepy old guys, they are usually accurate on this type of information.

That's about all I have. Have a wonderful night everyone, and remember:


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Blogger Pepper Potts said...

You forgot the best part of Halloween for parents.. the leftover Halloween candy!! :-)

October 31, 2008 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger Maggie's Mom said...

Happy Halloween! I remember vividly all of my winter-coated costumes! Hey, at least we had a mother who cared!!!

October 31, 2008 at 7:40 PM  
Blogger angelinjones said...

For me, anyway, is Halloween. Ever since I was a little girl, this yearly event has captured my heart and imagination like nothing else. There is something deliciously indulgent with scaring the crap out of yourself and pretending to be someone else for an evening.
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November 7, 2008 at 1:32 AM  

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