It's the (Second) Most Wonderful Time of the Year...
Happy Halloween everyone! Given that the Holiday falls on a Friday this year, there will most likely be more folks than usual out celebrating tonight. With the increased crowd levels, I thought I'd offer a few tips I've learned over the years, culled from my personal experience and various horror movies I've seen, to enhance your enjoyment of this special night.
• Parents: If your kid has a really cool costume they like, make sure to force them to wear a big Winter coat over it to ruin its appearance. I don't know why you have to do this, but my Mother always did.
• Kids: If you have a really cool costume that your Mother makes you wear a big coat over, ditch the coat as soon as you are out of sight.
• If you run out of candy to distribute, I have found that most children will accept cash. If you run out of cash, immediately put on a clown costume and stand out waving on your front lawn. No child will approach your house that night or most likely ever again. One caveat: The authorities may take note of this behavior.
• Razor blade-laden or not, no kid has ever eaten an apple given to them on Halloween. Don't waste your time or theirs'.
• If you're in a sour mood, give out toothbrushes or pamphlets on safety. These are always effective fun-killers.
• If you live in a home that has previously been the scene of a hideous murder, the odds are pretty good that the killer will return tonight, so plan accordingly. Encourage your teens to have an unsupervised party, and make sure they invite a lot of scantily clad, promiscuous girls. And don't scrimp on the illegal substances!
• If you live in the above situation and wish to avoid your kids and all their friends being massacred, then by all means be sure to have a lovely cheese platter prepared. This will placate the maniac until the police arrive. That is, unless you live in a community where the local Sheriff doesn't believe in all those stories about your place, and thinks it's "them trouble-makin' teens playin' pranks". Then, I'm afraid, you're on your own.
• If you do encounter some creature of the night and manage to kill them, make sure they are really dead before turning your back on them. In my movie-going experience, these things tend to have a pretty good recovery rate.
• If a creepy old guy tells you, "Don't go in that place, strange things have happened there", don't go in there. While I usually don't advocate heeding the advice of creepy old guys, they are usually accurate on this type of information.
That's about all I have. Have a wonderful night everyone, and remember:
"WATCH THE SKIES!"