Take Me Out OF the Ballgame!

I am not a sports fan. However, my Perfect Wife is. This means I have watched more Red Sox games recently than I have ever watched in my entire life.

While I admired their impressive comeback in last night's game (10/16/08) against whomever they were playing, there are aspects of the televised game that puzzle/annoy me:

• What is up with the players and their uniforms? As much as I dislike sports, I always liked how  spiffy baseball players looked. So trim and fit in their nice little knickers. (I'm all man by the way, I just thought they looked like athletes are supposed to look.) Now, they look like unshaven frat boys who rolled out of bed 2 minutes before the game and forgot to take their pajama bottoms off. (See illustration, above.)

• If I was pitching a television show to a network, and told them that on my show every minute or so we'd cut to a shot of someone spitting chewing tobacco, it's unlikely my pilot would get a green light. This happens THOUSANDS of times on every game I've had the pleasure to view! Can't the director cut to a shot of something more interesting? Like Stephen King reading a book in the stands? Or some guy in the crowd who paid 90 bucks for tickets but is missing the game 'cause he's talking on his cell phone?

• During the post game wrap up, why do they feel we're interested in what the yahoo fans at the game think? The fans have a wonderful ability to refer to their favorite team as "they" when the organization is doing poorly, and "we" when they're doing well, as in: "THEY need to work on THEIR infielding if THEY'RE gonna make the playoffs", or "WE really got the job done tonight". Have some loyalty people! No matter how the team is doing, YOU are not on the team. YOU install drywall. THEY are on the  team.

• I also enjoy how fans, Boston's in particular, have a charming ritual of causing heaps of personal injury and property damage after significant wins with their post game celebrations/riots.

• Lastly, what is up with that announcer on TBS (whose name no one seems to know but is universally disliked) who stole his entire wardrobe from the Brady Bunch in 1972?!

As I said at the beginning of this post, I'm not a fan, and I'm sure the layman would have some questions about the things I enjoy (i.e., "Why is Bill weeping during an episode of 'Doctor Who?' "), so take all of the above with a grain o' salt.

Oh, and GO SOX!