Thursday, November 12, 2009

Heavy Haband-ed

If you look about this page you'll see links to the sites of many fine retailers. These ads contribute a tiny bit of revenue to the author of this blog each time you order a product from them through this site.

I am grateful to all these advertisers, and I appreciate them agreeing to post their advertisements here. There is one company out there, though, that refuses to advertise here, even though I am a loyal customer/fan.

Yes, I am talking about you, HABAND!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this company, it is a mail order firm that sells apparel (and other items) you don't usually find for sale anyplace else. Their clothing lines feature styles, colors and accessories that any Grandma and/or Grandpa would love. From banded faux argyle golf  sweaters, to ladies' dusters (aka: Grandma Jammies), to Velcro™  walking shoes, this firm has it all! Each item is seemingly made of the finest polyester blends, and come in styles and colors you couldn't possibly find anywhere else. When was the last time you saw a pair of lime  green check adjustable-waist pants?!

If there is someone on your gift list this holiday season who seems impossible to buy for, Haband may just be the answer to your troubles. As an added bonus, they offer all kinds of free goodies when you order; like imitation jewelery and bottom-of-the-line electronics. Another perk of ordering from them, is, once your initial order is registered, you will be placed on their mailing list, and begin to receive ads from them  seemingly every other day! Each mailing comes  with a folksy note from "Duke" Habernickel, the company  founder. This man is the greatest copywriter on earth! Once you read his description of Haband's exclusive 3' Pre-Lighted Christmas Tree for $24.99 (with the enclosed certificate), you must have one. If you want more, no problem, as each additional one is only $19.99, each! Apparently, you should hurry though, as Duke says they won't last.

I have bought some items from this company over the years, and it really stings that they will not advertise on my site. Maybe this heartfelt blog will change their mind.

If they don't, I am only buying three or four Pre-Lighted Christmas Trees, tops!

UPDATE 11/13/2009: The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and finds out what a moron he is! This morning I received an email from a nice man at Haband who pointed out to me that the day before I posted this, the company had accepted this site into their affiliates program. It is actually all Perfect Wife's fault, as she handles all the advertising stuff here. I am too big a person to make a big thing about this, though.

Our apologies to all the good folks at Haband.

So now, if you scroll down, you can see that Haband is the newest member of our little advertising family. If you order any of their fine products through this site, this blog will get a little financial kiss in the mail from them. It's a win-win for all parties involved!

I guess this means I will have to buy a bunch more Pre-Lighted Christmas Trees!

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11 Comments:

Blogger Black Canary said...

I want to know what the criteria is for Haband to allow sites to advertise for them. I see their ads everywhere online, and most are not clothing related.. the entertainment site, www.tmz.com, for example. Maybe it has to do with the size of the reader base. No worries, maybe by the time Easter comes around, you'll be advertising their lovely matching polyester Easter outfits!!

I LOVE the drawing!

November 12, 2009 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger duke said...

Hey, Wait a Minute!
My Good old Haband has been serving you good old guys since 1925, when my Father and Mother went peddling neckties around town for 35 cents apiece. They sold them door to door, at Baptist Church Christmas Bazaars, and by mail to out of town relatives. Indeed the old man was often seen hawking neckties on the street corners of New York City.
Then a boyhood pal of his, a chap named Anderson got a job in a bank, where everybody from errand boys and assistant tellers, right up to the Chairman had to wear neckties. So ANDerson started peddling HABernickel's ties around the bank. Presto! The HAB_AND Tie Company.
Next huge step in the growth of this All-American enterprise was swiping a State of New Jersey Bankers Association directory, and distributing an offer to everybody in the book offering them a chance to sell neckties too. We would send them a box of a three dozen ties on consignment. Sell and pay for Thirty of them, and keep the last half dozen, (or the proceeds) for yourself.
Soon every Banker and every Baptist in New Jersey was a Haband Customer.
When WWII was over, 1945, all the GIs were sick of olive drab uniforms and they saw our new advertisements for "Snazzy-olas" the big wide "chest Protector" neckties wioth flowers and giant geometrics and even a hula girl design. We mailed 15 full color pictures of the individual ties to the customers' homes, they could pick any six for $ six-seventy five (cash up front) and we then sent the ties. You got a free gift with every order. sometimes a key chain/coin holder, or some ball point pens that wrote in six different colors, or even an occasional Esquire girlie calendar. I swear those guys would buy Six bucks worth of neckties just to get the girlie calendar!

So for 80 years or so, Haband, the conscientious Family business serving over Five Million Customers, direct their homes in all 50 states nationwide!
I retired three years ago.
But they still carry every size in the book, from 5 1/2 Wide shoes to 60 inch s-t-r-e-t-c-h waist slacks, to (as you note) Lime Green Plaid his and her pajamas!
Well, yes they do keep the tradition of the free gifts, they still sell to a wonderful friendly world of value conscious customers who LOVE our long wearing wash and wear 100 polyester fabrics, DIRECT TO YOUR DOOR ALMOST INSTANT SERVICE, and as ever YOU CANT BEAT HABAND PRICES!

Duke Habernickel

November 13, 2009 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger Bill White said...

Duke (If this really is you), thanks for reading, and thanks for filling in the blanks of the history of your company.

Enjoy your retirement!

If this really isn't Mr. Habernickel, the writer matched his style perfectly!

I hope it is him, though.

November 13, 2009 at 12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wait until Rick sees me in my MoonBeams™ Lacy Lady™ Nightgowns! Woohoo! $

November 13, 2009 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger duke said...

Yes it is me. (You'd be suprised how many customers were forever correcting my colloquial language) It is I.

And those Moonbeam Nighties are indeed the perfect thing for sleepwear, anywhere. 3 for pnly 18.95 in my day.
We used to travel the world most famous fashion cities, by samples from the priciest shops, and then keep on going from Paris to say Ulan Bator and knock off the styles, make them in everybody's size, and save huge bucks. what a grand life. I miss it , but life goes on, (but I do look back)

November 13, 2009 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger Bill White said...

Duke!

So glad to have you visit, and comment on, this blog. Please continue to do so. I hope my stories make you smile as much as yours have made me.

I am happy for you that you had a great life, and hope you will continue to for a long time to come.

November 14, 2009 at 5:13 PM  
Blogger P.L. Frederick said...

Velcro walking shoes?! Sign me up. If I can't slip it on or Velcro it, why bother?

Congratulations on achieving Haband retailer hosting status, Bill. "'Snazzy-olas' the big wide 'chest Protector' neckties." Hee hee!

November 20, 2009 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger Maintenance Man said...

You got to love the low prices that Haband has. And I know what you mean about their mailings. I get more than one big envelope full of deals from them each week.

It seems I am always placing some clothing orders with them. As soon as the shipment arrives, I seem to be placing my next order. It is fun.

Hey if you have some ads on your sight from Haband that I don't get in the mail directly from them, maybe I will click through and you will get your commission. :)

March 24, 2010 at 11:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry but not everyone is a satisfied coustomer of Haband and their coustomer service dept. leaves a LOT to be desired!

December 12, 2011 at 6:02 PM  
Blogger Pamela Darcy said...

Dear Admin,
I have visited a lots of site but you are the best that I have ever seen.
Golf wear can come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. And while they have evolved over the years, there are some types that simply never get old. One type of clothing that comes into mind is knitwear.
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Best Regards
Pamela Darcy

February 26, 2017 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger Shakiay Lee said...

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Best Regards
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March 12, 2017 at 3:27 PM  

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