Monday, August 3, 2009

Resting in Pieces

Don't worry, I feel fine. Today though, I have been thinking about what will happen after I shed this mortal coil. What will happen to me when I pass away?

I am not thinking about the whereabouts of my soul in the afterlife. My mind is on much more practical matters: What will my loved ones do with my remains? Since I don't wish to take up valuable real estate in some cemetery, I would prefer to be cremated. This presents some problems for my survivors. They either have to find a fitting place to scatter the ashes the funeral home has told them are mine, or find a stylish urn to place them in.

Ideally, I would love to have my ashes scattered across Disneyland. Apparently, though, this is against Disney company policy. That's a shame. For any child vacationing in the Magic Kingdom, my ash-scattering ceremony would be something they would never forget, try though they may.

Since I can't be strewn about where I wish to be, I guess my family will have to plunk me in an urn. I was worried, until recently, that finding a suitable vessel would be a challenge. Was there an urn out there that would honor the good taste and dignity that have been the hallmark of my life?

I needn't have worried. I will have the dignified, tasteful resting place I deserve, thanks to this company.

Please don't let all this morbid musing bring you down, though. Really! I feel fine!

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8 Comments:

Blogger eeTeeD said...

what about the cremation diamond option?

i'm certain your wife would love that.

August 3, 2009 at 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want you to know, that, should you predecease me, I am happy to scatter your ashes in Disneyland. I am willing risk arrest/permanent expulsion from the park. My plan would be just to hop on the flying Dumbos, take that baby as high as he goes, then open the urn and let you fly. Hopefully this will not occur for many years, and my advanced age would induce the judge to show some mercy.

P.

August 3, 2009 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Bill White said...

eeTeeD- PW would appreciate a diamond, but I would prefer that my image stare down at her from the mantle. This way, she would forever be reminded of our wedding vows should she ever consider moving on with her life, and marrying another after I'm gone.

Anonymous- Thanks for the offer. After you have scattered my ashes, please hold the reception at the Dole Whip™ stand. Don't forget: If you leave the park after the ceremony and wish to return later, be sure to have your hand stamped for re-entry!

August 3, 2009 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger eeTeeD said...

if i'm not mistaken, they don't use all of your remains to make the diamonds.

so you could have a pair of diamonds made, and have them set in the eyes of your "personal urn".

you could also try planting some chia seeds on top of your "personal urn".

August 3, 2009 at 2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This creepy discussion is freaking me out. Almost as much as having a cast of your head would. Who thinks of these things...and how did you even find it on the web?

~Fab Sis #2

August 3, 2009 at 7:05 PM  
Blogger Bill White said...

eeTeeD- The benefit of the urn is- If I don't actually pass away, I can use it as candy dish. Or a spittoon.

FS#2- A cast of my head would "freak you out"? There goes your Christmas gift!

August 3, 2009 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger P.L. Frederick said...

There's big money in this. In our lifetimes it's likely that Disney will open a Happily Ever After cemetery and burial ground, thus solving your conundrum. Look out for Mickey's Double-diamond-eye Urn and Death Mask.

August 18, 2009 at 10:12 AM  
Anonymous Janine LaVAlley said...

I can imagine the cries of tiny children at Disneyland during the scattering of ashes...."Oh, Mommy...my eyes, it's burning my eyes!"

August 18, 2009 at 12:02 PM  

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