Driving Me Crazy!

Ahh, a drive in the country. Out on the open highways and byways, the wind in your face. The breeze in what's left of your hair. Sounds pleasant, doesn't it? Well, it would be for me, except  for one thing:

EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD!

I know that every region has their own breed of crappy drivers. I've driven in Los Angeles, New York City and even (shudder!) New Jersey. All of the motorists in these locales have their own notorious unique take on driving terribly, but being a native of Southeastern Massachusetts, I believe we have a group of terrible drivers that are in a class by themselves.

Now I know that there are many of  you reading this that may take umbrage with that claim. "Surely", you cry, "the place that I live has the crappiest drivers in the world!" I'm sorry if I wounded your local pride. You may be right, and I might change my mind should I ever make it to your little Slice of Paradise. I suppose the fact of the matter is, awful drivers are everywhere. Maybe there wouldn't be, if other motor vehicle drivers were aware of the following secrets to better driving:

• When the light turns red, you "stop". This may seem like a simple tip, but you'd be amazed how many folks seem unaware of this.

• When the light turns green, you "go". That's right, the moment the light changes to green, that is the signal for you to take you foot off the brake and begin to move. Not "in a sec", or "when you notice it". Right now.

• Traffic signs are rules not suggestions. I'm sorry, but those pesky "stop", "one way" and "no parking" signs are rules for everybody to follow. Not just everybody else, you too. Believe me, no one is more inconvenienced by this than me, but some of those signs are there for a reason. Even, as hard as it may seem to believe, are those "speed limit" signs. One sign that has always puzzled me is the "slow children" post. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do for that one. I think I'm supposed to watch for children moving extra slowly, but I've never seen any.

• If you are going to "sight see", get out of your freakin' car. I know it is pleasant to drive about slowly and randomly stop and start the car without signaling. If only you could do it without being bothered by all those horns honking behind you! Do you know what that is? It's other drivers. Behind you. Who have someplace to get to and are getting frustrated at trying to figure out what the heck you are doing. If you are tooling about and see a sight that catches your fancy, signal, pull over, get out of your car and look at the stupid tree or whatever, and let others get on their way.

• If you are elderly, don't drive. I know you're as young as you feel, but if your memory, hearing, vision and/or bladder control is gone, stop driving. You had your time. Give us kids a chance to drive like jerks.

These are just a few of the many tips I could offer you on being a better driver, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Just keeping these in mind will make your next driving  experience more pleasant and perhaps even  safer, for all involved. There is one last piece of advice I'd like to offer. Perhaps the most important tip of all:

• If you're in front of me, get out of my way. If I am behind the wheel, odds are good I am running late, so I really need you to get out of my way so I can reach my destination ASAP. 

Thanks.

See you on the road!