Friday, March 23, 2012


We all have those little moments in life, when someone makes a detrimental comment. A comment that begs for a witty comeback. Most of the time though, we only think of the perfect,  appropriate response hours later.

Once and a while though, we come up with a zinger on the spot. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's a great feeling. I was lucky enough to have such a moment recently.

I smoke cigarettes. I know smoking is bad for you, and that a burning cigarette smells nasty to non-smokers, but I still enjoy it. I realize though, that there are lots of folks out there that are really offended by cigarette smoke, so I try to be respectful: I smoke outdoors, and if I am in the proximity of others, I move down-wind, so my smoking won't bother them. Some people, however, will be bothered no matter what.

Case in point: I was outside a local watering hole enjoying a smoke. As a couple approached, I moved out of the way, so my smoke wouldn't offend them. The woman glared at me with a look of contempt I would have previously assumed would only be reserved for the likes of A. Hitler, and said to her partner: "Ugh, look at that guy smoking! Disgusting! Doesn't he know how bad cigarettes are for you?!" I am used to this reaction, but since the lady made her comments loud enough for me (and everyone else in the vicinity) to hear, I felt I needed to make a response. Fortunately, my witty brain did not fail me: I made eye contact and said, "Yes, but they don't affect your hearing.". The look on her face was priceless. She muttered an embarrassed, "sorry", and kept on walking. I felt particularly clever. Hopefully, that woman will keep her self-righteous opinions to herself in the future.

Actually though, she is right- Smoking is gross and bad for you. So are bad manners, though!

Smoking issues aside:The point of this post is, I still got it!



Blogger John F said...

Go Git 'em!

Genuinely funny - no Costanza moment there . . .

March 23, 2012 at 5:21 PM  
Blogger eeTeeD said...

nice comeback.

how did you start smoking?

March 23, 2012 at 5:36 PM  
Blogger Mark Heng said...

Hold on a gosh darn second!!! I thought you quit last year!!!

March 23, 2012 at 6:38 PM  
Blogger Bill White said...

eeaTeed- I started smoking, like a fool, when I was working in a very stressful situation with a lot of other smokers. Sadly, I took to it like a fish to water, and now I'm hooked. Yes, that's the coward's way: Blame others. That is the way it happened, though.

Mark- Mark I did TRY to stop smoking awhile back. Unfortunately, I tried going "Cold Turkey" at the same time I took a long car trip with two whiny teens. Perfect Wifey predicted failure, and she was right: I was puffing away again long before we reached our destination.

Maybe after I finish the latest project I am working on, I'll try again. Perhaps with the aid of nicotine gum or patches this time.

March 24, 2012 at 12:33 AM  
Blogger David said...

Hey Bill,

Great comeback! I smoked from the age of 14 to 30 and was up to 2 1/2 packs a day when I quit. I quit cold turkey and it wasn't fun, but it can be done. Luckily for me my dad quit at the same time, so we would whine to each other when the cravings came along.

I'm not one of those preachy ex-smokers, so I'm not going to tell you how bad it is, how much money you are wasting, blah, blah, blah.

But...if and when you do decide to quit and you need someone to complain to or just vent your frustration with the quitting process, you have my phone number.

March 24, 2012 at 10:27 AM  
Blogger Mykal Banta said...

Dude, that was perfect! Smart, clever, but not snotty or insulting - nothing that could start a war of words. In one short, smart stroke you won the war! What can one say in response to that!

Oh, and what a wonderfully self-congratulatory cartoon into the bargain!!

March 24, 2012 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Bill White said...

David and Mykal- The whole point of this post was to validate my inflated opinion of my wit. Thanks for your contributions to the cause.

Also David, thanks for your kind offer. I get the urge to smoke most often around 3 a.m., so please be sure to answer the phone if I call. If I can't get ahold of you, I'll just keep calling back till I do...

March 26, 2012 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger P.L. Frederick said...

Heh heh! Perfect come-back. Judgement and impoliteness are way worse than smoking, if you ask me. Which you didn't. But some day you might and I wanted to be ready.

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

April 4, 2012 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger P.L. Frederick said...

P.S. To some it might be helpful to mention that I've never smoked. But if people are THAT against it, I just might start.

April 4, 2012 at 1:25 PM  

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