Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Movie-ing Experience

In the Broadway musical Bye Bye Birdie, the late, great Paul Lynde sang about kids. In one number from the show, Paul asked the musical question, "Kids, what the devil's wrong with these kids today?" Well, I have finally figured out the answer to this question. It's quite obvious, really.

The problem with kids today is their parents are morons!

Let me drift into my cranky ol' fart mode and explain (actually, I don't really have to drift, I am pretty much always in this mode). Last weekend, Perfect Wife, the Boy and I went to a local screening of How to Train Your Dragon at our local Googleplex. I was expecting to hate it, but I was pleasantly surprised. It is really a charming movie. At least I think it is. You see, I missed about three quarters' worth of the dialogue because of the incessant, full-volume yap, yap yapping of the children seated around us. Children who, I my opinion, were far too young to be mixed into the general movie-going populace. Throughout the film, the little darlings kept up a running commentary about everything: The movie, their seats, their refreshments, whether or not their siblings were on "their side", etc. To be fair, they were quite young, and had obviously not been briefed on such points of movie-going etiquette as, "Shut yer yaps during the film so other people can enjoy it." Why, one may ask, didn't their parents "hush", them? Why, in fact, did their parents bring them to the movies at all? Excellent questions. Questions I don't have the answer for.

When I was quite small, say, 3 or 4 years old, I really wanted to go to the movies. My parents wisely held off on taking me until they felt I was capable of behaving myself during the movie, and (and this is something that every parent at HTTYD ignored) a film came along that they knew I could understand and enjoy without questioning each and every action in the film. Last weekend's film was too "grown-up" for the crowd I watched it with, which the parents bringing their tots should have known by it's PG rating. I know, it wasn't Debbie Does Dallas, but still... My first film was Hey There, It's Yogi Bear. A wonderful flick. I was totally entertained by the whole experience, as was everyone around me (Spoiler Alert: Yogi does not get shipped to the St. Louis Zoo), unlike the crowd who had to listen to the din at HTTYD. Today's parents can't even take the time to do a bit of research on the films they take their brats to. They can't be bothered to read a review or look up comments online. They just see an ad on TV, say, "Duh, it's a cartoon. Tiffany/Zachary/Ashley/Whoever will like that", and off the the theatre they go.

Also, parents today, it seems to grumpy old me, have absolutely no idea how to control their kids. Whether it's because they're lazy, stupid or are just afraid they'll harm their wee ones' delicate psyche with discipline, I don't know. I wish more of them were like my parents were. My parents taught us manners and how to behave, and sure, they sometimes hurt my feelings with a cross word, but I turned out okay. 

Well, that's debatable, but at least I know how to behave at the movies.

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Blogger Sharon G. said...

I don't think kids under 5 should attend the movies at all. They do not have the attention spans nor the capability of being quiet for that long nor do they know how to regulate their voices. Parents should wait until the movie comes out on DVD-- then the little rascals can talk all they want.

Maybe this is why I never go to the movies anymore...

March 31, 2010 at 5:00 PM  
Blogger David said...

That is exactly why the last movie I saw at the theater was Jaws!

April 1, 2010 at 4:45 PM  
Blogger MikeH said...

How come it's only okay when the Mystery Science Theatre guys disrupt a movie??

April 5, 2010 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger SNeelyArt said...

Good post, Bill. I can't stand going to the movies either. Unless it's like Star Wars where the fans will kill the bastards who talk.

Kids are out of control and even in elementary and the middle schools around me all have a teacher AND 1 or 2 assistants in the class to help them. The teacher's are pushovers. When I went I had ONE teacher who had parental authority to not put up with my shit. I could swear that my math teacher was a holdover from the Third Reich but I did learn fractions.

I download all the new stuff for free and sit at home and watch them on my big screen and thank the Invisible Avenger that abortion is still legal!

April 8, 2010 at 3:36 PM  

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